


Us Being Us

by cb150681



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 23:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5984962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cb150681/pseuds/cb150681
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <img/>
</p><p> </p><p>A collection of Chicago PD one shots mostly Linstead focus in season 3.</p><p>Ok so first time i´m doing this!<br/>After CPD 3x14 I get a little tired of no Linstead so I decide to start a series of One Shots about Erin and Jay in Chicago PD. I decided to star in episode 3x05_06 and go from there until the end of the season.</p><p>Notice two things: I´m not english native, so sorry for any mistakes and bad grammar and this is the first fiction i write since high school.</p><p>I want to thank my friend @justkillingtimewhileiwait for all your help and editing, without your editing, my story is not the same ;) and without your incentive, i didn’t posted. Thank you ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Time Thing - CPD One Shot 3x05/06

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is the one shot about 3x05 and 3x06.  
> I decide to post in order, i thought it was better that way. I end up re watching all the season do to this lol

He woke up with considerable pain in his back. They had fallen asleep in a strange position because she didn’t want to leave the new couch. She was lying on top of him with just his shirt on. He could feel her calm breathing and her hair was tickling his chin. He looked at the clock, it was 04:30 am. He didn't want to wake her up but he was pretty uncomfortable like this. He tried to move without waking her but as soon as he moved his torso she opened her eyes.

"Hey," Erin said, almost in a whisper.

"Hey, sorry for waking you but my back is killing me," Jay said, apologizing.

"It’s ok, we should go to bed, don’t you think?" Jay looked at her, kissed her softly on the mouth and nodded ok. He knew they should talk about what just happen but they'd have time for that and she looked so sleepy that she would probably fall a sleep during their conversation.

They go straight to bed, he can’t wait until morning for them to talk. She fell on the bed and fell asleep almost instantly, he followed her seconds later.

They woke up with her alarm clock. She just turned to his side and sniffled. He smiled at her behaviour and kissed her forehead saying, "Hey, Good Morning to you too."

"Hum… Good Morning." She grumbled.

"Oh I really missed your good mood in the morning," Jay said, laughing. He pushed a tress of her hair behind her ear as his smile widened. "So can we talk about this?"

"At this hour? I just want to eat and get ready for work, can we talk later?" She asked, rising from the bed and heading to the bathroom. Before she closed the bathroom door she looked at him and asked, "Ok?"

"Yeah, ok." Jay was not happy but if that was what she wanted, so be it. He knew her and he knew that she would avoid this conversation. He let it go because there would be time to talk later. 

He got up and went to the kitchen to turn on the coffee machine. "Do you have bread?" He shouted to her from the kitchen. 

"No, sorry," She shouted back.

"I’m going down the street to grab some bagels ok?" He said, walking to the closed bathroom door. 

She opened the door so they wouldn't have to yell anymore "Ok thank you." She kissed him quickly. 

After noticing the time he added, "Maybe I'll grab something to go instead. Its getting late and I still need to pass by my place to change."

She smiled, "Ok coffee black please, I will meet you near the car."

Ten minutes later she was already in the car waiting for him. Yesterday some guy that Jay managed to make arrangements with left the new couch in her building so they could bring the district car to her place. Jay got in the car and Erin drove to his place while Jay ate breakfast.

Half an hour later they were climbing the stairs of the district. The team was already working. The time passed really quickly. Erin took a small break to grab some coffee and caught Jay by surprise, telling him that the couch hook up was a one time thing. He smiled back at her and thought to himself Nothing that you weren't expecting Jay, Erin is being Erin like always. 

The case absorbed them all and they barely managed to speak to each other socially again until they closed it. 

Jay passed by Erin's desk as he's wrapping things up, "Molly’s?"

She raised her head from the paperwork, "I’m tired. I guess I’m going home."

He just nodded and smiled at her, then headed down the stairs. “I guess this is going to be really a one time thing after all”, he thought to himself.

He headed over to Molly’s and met his brother Will there. Herman tried to play match maker and they all laugh about it. Suddenly Jay is surprised by Erin's appearance. He looked at her smiling face, he was so in love with her that it almost hurt. She was so damn beautiful that he could lose himself in her eyes for hours. Jay loved the connection that they had, the ability to talk without words, the feeling of safety that they gave to each other when they were together. When she quit he thought that all the trust they built would fall apart, but when she came back and rescued him, all the anger that he had about her shutting him out disappeared. It took some time to get back on track again but now they were better than never. He never felt anything that would compare to what he felt about her. She made him better and when they were together he really felt complete. 

She probably didn’t know about Voight’s giving them the okay. He never said anything to her. He didn’t know how she felt about him anymore. The couch thing was kind of amazing but he knew how slippery she could get when it came to relationships. He had hoped, and he shared his hopes with his brother, that’s why he was watching them from the edge of the bar. 

You need to try and make this work, at least one time, he thought to himself and with his best smile and his heart beating really fast, he took a chance. "So… this one time thing that you were talking about early, was that one time a week? One time a day?"

She breaks out in a big smile, waving her head. "You’re funny."

Jay keeps going, "All I’m saying is why are we dancing around? Voight doesn’t have a problem with it. Everybody knows. So why we still try to hide it?"

She looked at her hands and mumbled. Then she raised her head and her eyebrows, looking directly in his eyes. "That's a good point. So you want to hold my hand in public now?"

He didn't answer her, instead he got up from the bar stool and kissed her, right there in front of the whole bar, a soft kiss that she reciprocated. She looked around, smiled and said "Or that."

His gaze didn't waver from her. Erin stood and he kissed her again, this time more intense with his hands holding her in place. She went along with it. They looked at each other. "We should get out of here." She said. 

"Hum hum" He nodded in agreeing and they left the bar while his brother and Hermann looked on with amusement and satisfaction. Jay draped his arm across Erin's shoulders. And she reached up and grabbed his hand, like a real couple.

They step out onto the cold street, closing the bar door behind them.

"Did you see your brother's face?" Erin asked, still holding Jay's hand. It was a good sensation the feel of his fingers intertwined with hers.

"Yes, I saw it and I’m sure he is going to annoy me all week about this," Jay said, smiling and kissing the top of her head.

She looked at him. He looked so happy. He looked like a kid on a Christmas morning and all because of her. Why she took so long to admit to herself that he was the one who could keep her breathing she didn't know. He was the one that she could count on and he deserved to be apart of her life with no restrictions.

A ringing sound in the cold night from somewhere near dragged her from her thoughts. It was a phone ringing. She looked at Jay with an inquiring look.

"It’s a message. I’m not on call tonight." Jay answered her silent question and grabbed his phone from his jacket pocket. With a goofy smile he showed her the phone:

"Have a fun night." Erin read out loud. "Your brother is a teaser."

"Yeah, well that’s my brother, the comic."

"I noticed. Well, my car is here so I’m heading home ok?"

"Ah… Ok so I'll see you tomorrow? I mean… if you… anyway good night." And he gave her a quick kiss. What are you running from man, he though to himself.  
It was amazing how she made him feel like a school boy in this type of situation. This made him so mad with himself. 

She cut off his thoughts. "If I what Jay?" She asked with a grin.

"I don’t know… Do you want company… I mean… Fuck." He breathed heavily and looked her in the eyes. "Can I stay at your place tonight?"

She just nodded her agreement with a big laugh. It was funny seeing him so flustered. 

They still had their fingers intertwined so he took her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. Then he kissed her neck and whisper to her, "Wait up for me ok?"

She laughed loud, "I will try but I don’t promise on being awake, you are such a slow driver." She got in the car still laughing at him.

He leaned into the window and kissed her intensely, holding her head and at the end of the kiss he bit her lower lip.

"You’re funny." He said, smiling and headed to his car that was parked up front.

She stayed quiet for a moment looking at him moving away. That kiss… "God he is hot," she mumbled.

This was good, it really was. She felt happy. She could see that by looking in the review mirror. For a moment she lost herself in a dark hole but he managed to get her back. She needed time to pull her shit together and he gave her that time. She managed to regain his trust and for awhile now they'd been in a good place again. This was good. She and him… this was very good. She turned the radio on and sang all the way home. She went to the bedroom, she looked at her face in the mirror of the closet. That happy kid smile still was placed on her face.

She pulled out her phone and wrote a text then stripped off her clothes and got in the shower.

Jay was parking in front of her apartment when he heard the message tone on his phone. He grabbed it and breaks out in a big smile when he read the text. It was from Erin:

“The key is under the carpet, I’m in the shower… come join me. I’m waiting for you… don’t take long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you so much @Justkillingtimewhileiwait for you edits. 
> 
> Enjoy and comment if you like it or if you don´t ;)


	2. My Girlfriend - CPD One Shot 3x07

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay and Erin have a really cute conversation after work.

Erin heard a knock on the door, she wasn't expecting anyone. Jay said that he was going to that kid's house. He thought that he needed some closure and he said that after that he was going home. He was to tired to do anything, as much as she wanted him to come to her for comfort. 

Erin was a little preoccupied with him, this case fell on him like a canon. She could read the pain on his face and in his stiff posture. She was a little surprised by his confession, that he was that kid once. Once again, it made her realize how much she didn’t know about him, about his life and about his past. As much as she wanted to know, she knew how he was like her, how he didn't like to talk about the past, how he preferred to leave all that behind him. Seeing him so affected by cases like this one made her want to know because she would like to help him get through stuff like this. But she knows... she just knows... 

She heard another knock, she almost forgot that there was someone at the door. She looked into the peep hole and saw Jay. She opened up the door. 

"I thought you were going home?" she moved out of the way so he could enter and closed the door behind him. 

He hugged her tight, she was caught by surprise and almost lost her balance with the strength of the hug. She just hugged him back and stayed there as long as he needed her. 

"I’m sorry I... Today was rough and that kid..." 

"Hey it’s ok." She grabbed his hand and took him to the couch. "I know it was rough."

"I … well that kind of stuff with kids just gets to me... I don’t know... I... anyway I just needed some comfort and I know I said I was heading home, but after I left that kids house I just got an urge to punch that teacher until I knocked him down and I realized that it was better that I don’t be alone tonight so... You got me right?" 

"Of course Jay... Look... Even if we weren't together like we are now, before we were anything that we are right now, we are partners and I'm always here for you." 

He hugged her again. "Thank you Erin." 

She smiled at him and kissed him softly on his lips. 

"I like your definition of our relationship status." He added with a smirk. 

"What? I really don’t know what we are..." 

"Well for me you are my girlfriend. You don’t see me as your boyfriend?" 

Her face lit up in a smile. She gazed at him, studying his face. She read a little doubt in his eyes, he fidgeted on the couch. Waiting for her confirmation was making him uncomfortable. 

"Well?" He was definitely waiting for an answer from her. 

"Yes, I guess you are my boyfriend... if you wanted that of course..." 

"Come on Erin, don’t be silly." Jay knew how Erin could run from this kind of commitment but he loved her. That he was sure about. He wasn't going to put that out there right now but he didn't want to be some casual guy for her. He wanted it all. He wanted her for real. So although he knew she could slip through his fingers, he needed to show her that he was totally on board for this. For him they were a couple and that’s all there was to it. 

She was smiling like she was going to tease him. He fixed his gaze on her. She was too beautiful and he was too lucky to have her, he thought to himself.

"Come on boyfriend, let’s go to bed, you look like you've been hit by a truck." 

A big smile spreads across his face. It felt good to hear her call him boyfriend. "Thank you that's all I wanted to hear right now." 

"What part? The boyfriend part? Or the look like shit part?" 

"You’re funny... But I confess... It felt good to hear you calling me boyfriend, and yes I know I look like a kid with that stuff, but you are always so slippery with that kind of stuff so that seems like a big thing to me."

"Well it is a big thing to me too... I'm not use to having someone like this in my life so I need your patience and your understanding on this, ok? I need to adjust." 

"Hey, it’s me Erin... I know you and you know me and we are good together and that’s all that matters, don’t you think?" 

She just nodded in agreement. They both stayed in silence for a minute, just processing all that represents. 

But she needed to know what he meant with 'I use to be that kid' stuff. 

"I want to ask you one thing and you can talk about it or not, it’s ok." 

He looked at her and waited for her to continue. 

"What did you mean by 'I use to be that kid'?" 

He looked down and she almost could see him closing up. She grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it. "It´s ok if you don’t want to talk about it." 

He shook his head no. He needed to talk to her about it if he wanted her to be open about her stuff, her past, her ghosts. He needed to do the same with her. He needed to let her know how fucked up his teen years were, he just need that. But it was so hard to go back there.  
He looked her straight in the eyes, losing himself in her, she gave him so much strength. 

“My father wasn’t the best father that a boy could have, and I was a not a rich and fancy kid in a big fancy school, so I became an angry kid and I messed around a lot. My brother Will was the role model that my father wanted and I was the punk that was giving him trouble, after trouble so... basically I was that angry kid for a while. But my mother was able to reach me and get me on track and then I decide pick a military career and all that change me and turned me into what I am today. What I am now. The good part I mean, I can’t think of my father as a role model, but to my mother, she was the one that made me change and do something with my life. Luckily I didn’t suffer anything compared with what we found out about Ethan, but I had a rough time when I was like fourteen, fifteen... It wasn’t easy. "

She hugged him. "Thank you for sharing this with me... I know what it's like to have that kind of burden on you … and I’m sorry Jay..." 

"It’s good to trust someone who we can tell our dark pieces of life to." 

He kissed her softly on her lips and added, "And as you said, I look like I was hit by a truck and really need to rest if I want to be functional tomorrow. Let’s go to bed?" 

"Yeah let’s go..." 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Her struggling with the pillow woke him up. He smiled watching her sleeping but fighting with the pillow. She looked really beautiful with the shadows of the Chicago lights streaming through the curtains of the bedroom. It was 5am. He struggled between going back to sleep or just watching her sleep. She looked relaxed but a little uncomfortable with the space that she had to herself, always readjusting her position. She was not used to having company to sleep all night, he knew that and for the past week they spend almost all their nights together. For him it was the best but he noticed that she was adapting to this new reality. The nights they spent at his house she just fell into bed and slept all night with almost no movement. But at her house she probably was use to having the bed all to herself so she was adjusting. 

He found this funny, the effort that she was putting into them being something. He really loved her independent spirit. It was one of the first things that made her so interesting to him. But this stuff of being boyfriend and girlfriend was really new to them. They had something in the past but in that era they never discussed what they were, they were together when they could and that was all. He was never a fan of that kind of relationship, but she was always running from any serious conversation about what they were. 

Now he was just happy for the conversation that they had earlier. He kissed her head and whisper "my girlfriend". He knew it was cheesy but after a day like the one they had it was the best conversation that they could have had. 

He laid down closer to her and hugged her from behind, spooning her. She snuggled closer to him and grabbed his hand, intertwining her fingers with his, unconsciously, in her sleep and made him felt so cozy that seconds later he fell asleep. 

She woke up with the alarm. She felt him moving to the other side of the bed, feeling the emptiness that his body had left. She opened her eyes. He was laying on his back, with one hand on his belly, sleeping really quietly. She observed him for a bit, his pretty face, those eyes always managed to get what he wanted from her. She moved close to him and laid her head on his chest. Feeling his heart beat was her new favorite thing. He kept sleeping without noticing her movements so she enjoyed the moment for a little longer. 

The sun was up and they should be too, so she kissed him gently and waited for his response. He opened his eyes and smiles widely. 

"Hey Good Morning, it seems you are in a good mood today." He used his arm to support his body, turning to her to be able to look at her directly. 

"Are you saying that I'm not always in a good mood?" 

"Yes I am," He said, giggling. 

She punched him softly on the shoulder making him lose balance. She pretend to fall on him and they ended up making out in the bed, forgetting that they should be getting ready for work. 

Minutes later the phone rang. They jumped almost at the same time trying to understand who's phone was it. 

Jay picked his up from the night stand and looked at the caller id "It's Antonio." He told Erin. "Halstead," he answered. 

"You want a ride? We were supposed to help Al get his stuff from his house, before work, remember?" 

"Yeah man I remember… look I'll meet you there ok? I'll be there in 10." 

"Ok see you there."

"I got to get ready; I promised Al that I'd help him take his stuff from his house, with Antonio's help." 

"Ok go... Wait Al's stuff?" 

"Yes, he is crashing at Ruzeck's didn’t you know?" 

"No... Why?" 

"Something about a girl who is suppose to be his daughter." 

"Ok, you fill me in later. Go, you're late." 

He got up and grabbed his shirt and black hoodie. "Not without a kiss first" He said cupping her chin and kissing her deeply. "See you at work. Bye."

"Bye," She said smiling, still wrapped in the sheets and feeling lazy. This was good, she though to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! Feel free to comment, I really want to hear your feed back!
> 
> Once again thank you so much @justkillingtimewhileiwait


	3. Grumpy Girl - CPD One Shot 3x08

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin and Jay spend the night at Jay's

The room was not totally dark because of a little light shining from the stereo. The sheets were all untidy, and they were responsible for that. She got home so horny that she didn't even give him time to turn down the bed. The good thing about not hiding anymore was that they could be more flirty with each other. But spending all day together, and part of the day closed inside of a van without a single touch or even a kiss was a little frustrating but always increased the sexual tension. So when they finally had time alone she made the best of it and he was pleased about that. 

She was lying on top of him, with her head resting on his bare chest. He stoked her hair. She mumbled, "That feels good."  
He smiled and kissed the top of her head and kept stoking her hair. "What feels good is having you here with me."  
"Oh yeah? I thought you preferred that cocky lawyer as company!" 

He raised his eyebrow "I tore that paper up in front of you. Come on Erin!"  
"I know, I'm just teasing you."  
"Yeah you're a teaser."  
"Yes I am and you like it."  
"Well yes I do," He added, chuckling. "This case got on my nerves, the cocky and pain in the ass lawyer and that guy that I had to shoot..."  
"Hey I know it’s part of the job but it's ok if you need time to digest that... It was a criminal and all, but..."  
"Hey... don’t worry... I can get through this... not very pleased to see your life on the line like that, when I see a gun pointed at you I stop thinking and just act... it was like that when we were just partners and it is like that now, that we are more then that."  
He heard her sigh. "What? I know you do that for me too Erin."  
"Yes I do, it’s not that..."  
"So what?"  
"It’s this thing of us being together... I think it will affect us more than we think."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Like what you said, you don’t even think just act."  
"I said I did that before we were together."  
"Yes I know, but I also know that I fear for your life and your safety in a strange way, I always did and know I'm afraid that I get even more concerned."  
"Look... probably because of the circumstances of our job, I look at our teem as a family and I'm very happy to be a part of that family and that makes us fear for any one of them. I think it's normal. For us, our connection make things a little harder, I know, but we can handle it, can't we?" 

She stayed quiet for a bit. He noticed that she was proceeding all he said. He couldn't see her face because she was still lying on his chest but he knew that she was trying to sort through everything. He felt her body relax a bit and then she said, "Yes you're right we can handle it." 

They stayed there in silence in the dark room. He kept stroking her hair and she made little circles on his arm with the tip of her fingers.  
This really was different for them, yes they acknowledged that the team was like their family. Yes they felt afraid to lose every single one of them. Yes they always got apprehensive when they needed to put the vests on and all. But knowing they just felt somehow more connected then before, her heart always jumped when he was not around her and she listened to requests for officer assistance on the scanner. For him, he just felt strange when he was not partnered with her, like no one else was able to protect her like he is. They really needed to handle it, for the sake of their relationship and for the sake of their place in the unit.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Do you want to grab breakfast on the way?" He was buttoning his shirt and talking to her through the bathroom door.  
"Yeah, ok... I... Oh shit!"  
"What?"  
"The water, it’s cold!"  
"Sorry," He said, chuckling. “I have to tell the landlord about that problem but I never find him with our crazy work hours."  
"Yeah yeah, first it’s not funny, I’m freezing here and you should move."  
"I've already been thinking about it, but everything I've seen is too expensive." 

She was pissed. "Ok so don’t expect me to spend very many nights here..."  
He just waved his head. This girl was always so grumpy in the morning. "Ok got it."  
She looked at him, already regretting her quick statement. "Sorry... I didn't mean it like that."  
"It’s ok, you're right, I need to fix this situation."  
"Don’t get me wrong I like to stay here with you, I kind of like your house, it’s cozy and warm and it smells like you and that's good." 

He smiled and grabbed her hand and kissed her. "Smells like me?"  
"Yes and I like it," She said shyly.  
He chuckled. "Ok it’s good to know."  
"I’m ready and I'm hungry, so can we go?"  
"Yes grumpy girl, let's go eat."  
She punched him in his belly softly and he buckled in reaction, laughing.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

They arrived at the precinct together and Sergeant Platt insisted on make some comment on that. "What you two eat for breakfast? Butterflies? All smiles to each other?"  
Erin smirked at her and replied, "Yes Sergeant, we love you too."

She waved her head smiling and got back to work.  
They meet Antonio on the stairs, leaving. "You two come with me."  
"Ok?" Jay said, questioning.  
"Voight called. He got a new case and asked us to meet him there."  
Jay and Erin looked at each other and turn back.  
"We never get a normal morning," Erin said, shoving her hands in her pockets.  
"Don’t be grumpy, you already ate. Come on," Jay replied, smiling at her. 

She just rolled her eyes at him and walked out of the precinct in front of him, heading for the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment. I would love to hear your thoughts about this ;)


	4. I missed you - One Shot CPD 3x09

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Linstead after Voight and Erin talk at the bar.

Hank left Molly's early, clearly he had gone there just to talk to her. She stayed alone at the bar for a while. It was hard work to love Voight, it was hard for many reasons. She loved him. He was her father, or the only father that she knew. He was always good to her and it was thanks to him that she didn't end up dead in some shady alley. She owed him her life for sure. But Hank was tricky and he had a shadowy past, he had done a lot of things that Erin would never accept from anyone else. But she knew that he was trying to redeem himself for his sins and that most of his actions were just for the good of the city, not for his gain.

However, in cases like the last one, she always feared that he would go back to working in the shadows like he used to. She understood what he said, but she couldn't avoid the judgment. He once was that man, the one who fixed cases like that at the silos and that scared her a lot. She knew he loved her, she had no doubt about it, but she also knew that for him she would always be his little protégé.

"Hi" Antonio had walked in without her noticing and sat at her side. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't notice him until he gave her a gentle squeeze on her arm and spoke.

"Hi... sorry, didn't notice you."

"Voight?" 

"Left."

"No. I mean, you were thinking about Voight?"

She smiled gently at him, "Yes I was."

"He was a little rude with you today."

"Yeah it’s ok, I can handle him. He doesn’t like to be challenged and I was being a little pushy because I know the history between those two."

"Look, I'm nobody to get between you two. And you know that I was the one who put the cuffs on him, but we have to trust him. It's not possible to work with him if you don’t trust his judgement. And I think he is trying to keep things on track this time. Don’t you?"

"Yes I do. And you are right, we have to trust him to work for him, but when this kind of people get involved I … well I try to stay alert."

"Yeah me too," Antonio said smiling.

She looked at her phone, it was late, she should go home. And just in that moment she noticed that she had a missed call and a text from Jay. They left the precinct separately because he finished before her, so he probably was wondering where she was by now.

She decided to go home, she was tired and almost numb. When she fought like that with Hank she felt numb sometimes, she put so much of herself into the cases it almost sucked her energy. She needed to sleep well tonight, really well.

"Antonio I'm leaving. I'm beat and need to sleep. See you tomorrow."

Antonio just nodded in agreement and squeezed her arm gently. She smiled back at him and left. In the car she turn the heat and the radio on and stayed there for a moment without moving. She needed to decide if she was going to her place or to Jay's place.

Maybe she should be alone tonight, she was so tired and she was still adjusting to having him in her bed. She had been alone for too long, she thought. Her last boyfriend was Kelly and he almost never spend the night because of their different work schedules and before him there was no one serious for a long time. So for her this thing of having company every night was new. It was new when they first started sneaking around and it was new now. 

The first time they just saw each other outside of work for short periods. They were not official and she was trying to figured out what to do if Hank found out but now, now she wanted it all with him and she was starting to like his company in her bed, she knew that, but still needed to adjust to this new reality. Anyway she needed to call him, and let him know where she was, he would probably be worried by now. She called him twice and he didn't answer. He probably fell asleep so she decided to text him and then she drove home.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

He woke up with a huge pain in his back, he had fallen asleep on his couch watching TV in a pretty strange position. He looked at the clock, it was 3:45 am. He got up to go to bed, still sleepy, and stumbled on his boots. He picked them up to put them in place and saw his phone on the ground. He had totally forgot about that, Erin should have called him. He picked the phone up and saw that he had two missed calls and one text from two and a half hours ago. All from Erin. 

He opened the text.

_*Hi, sorry I missed your calls, I was at Molly's with Voight and then Antonio. I'm heading home now. I'm tired and beat and need a good night sleep and didn't want to wake you so see you tomorrow. Big Kiss*_

He smiled and went to bed, leaving the phone on the night stand. He too was beat and tired, they didn't seem to have a break these days, and watching her and Hank face off with each other like that was always stressful for him, because he knew Erin, he knew how she dove into that kind of argument. He chose not to get between them. He was not very pleased with the way Voight spoke to her earlier but he knew better than to say something about that to him or even to her. He guess they had handled their disagreement after all and that's all that mattered.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

He woke up with the buzz of his phone, it was a text. He looked at the clock and it was 06:30. The text was from Erin.

_*So after all I didn't slept that well. I realize that I'm already used to having you in my bed. So I missed you last night. I'll go grab some breakfast and pick you up. See you soon.*_

A big smile spread across his face. She missed him, that was good and he was very damn happy about it. He noticed that there was another text.

_*If you show that text to somebody I kill you.*_

He gave a big laugh and got up to get ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think ;)


	5. Camile - One Shot CPD 3x10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank, Erin and Jay deal with memories.

He missed her in every breath.  Camile was his light for so long. When she was near the end, she begged him to start his life again with another woman.  But when he lost her, he just wasn't able to look at another woman. 

On days like this when he almost could feel her in the house, feel her close to him, on days like this all he could remember was how much he loved her. How much he still loved her. 

The phone rang, he looked at the caller id, it was Olivia. He should answer, it would be a good distraction for him. 

He put the pictures that he was looking at on the table, passing his finger over Camille's face on their wedding picture. 

He finally answered the phone.

"Hi Olivia, how are you?" 

"Hank, I heard that you were on the stand, how do you feel?" 

" It was ok... I guess... What matters is that animal is in jail." 

" Hank?" 

" What? I'm ok..." He heard a knock on the door.  

"Someone is at the door I got to go. Thank you for calling." 

"Hank please call me if you need to talk." 

"I will. promise. I´m ok Liv."

"Ok, bye."

He opened the door and saw Erin standing there. 

"Did you loose your key?" 

"I thought it was better to not use it today." 

Hank nodded and made way for her to enter the house. 

"I know you miss her too Hank."

He kept quiet, walking to his sort of office, where he was before she got there. He sat on his chair and offered her a small bench. 

He picked the box of pictures up again and, after looking at them, he passed it to her. They did this in silence. Relive Camille by those pictures. 

"You're ok Hank?" Erin's voice was raspy, like she was some how angry, Hank noticed. 

"I'm ok, really!" 

They stayed there in silence for a while more, looking at pictures of Hank and Camile, and Erin and Justin, smiling once in awhile.  

"You should go Erin, I will be ok. You look tired. Go home." 

"I came to see if you needed company." 

"No it's ok, go home." Hank looked away from her. 

"You will be ok alone today Hank?" 

"Yeah kiddo, it's ok you can go."  

"If you want I can stay here with you, I just need to... " She started, and suddenly shut up looking to her hands. 

"You need what?"

"I need to let someone know that I'm not sleeping at home tonight," She added with a flushed face. 

"Someone?" 

"Come on Hank you know who."

"Do I? Are you two at that stage already? Like living together I mean."

"Please don't embarrass me with your speeches. You gave us the okay, so what did you expect?"  

"That you don't destroy that poor guy's heart, like you did to every guy that dated you, and make me loose one of the best men in my unit." 

Erin looked at him with a cranky smile. Hank could always surprise her when they had this kind of conversation.

"I'm not intending to destroy anyone's heart ok. We are together, it's good.  We keep it professional at work like you want it and I'm happy. Isn't that enough for you?" She demanded. 

"Well I guess yes. At least you two seem to be capable of handling it at work and I'm pleased with that. Still worried about losing him though. I know you..." 

"It's incredible that you are worried about him and not me."

"Girl, I know the guys that you crash along the way." 

"Come on, I'm not like that. And with Jay its different and you know that too."

"Yeah, I'm just checking. Because I realized some time ago that I can't afford to lose him, from the unit I mean." 

"Don't tell me that you are falling for Jay." Erin said, mocking Hank. 

Hank closed his eyes, "He has grown up from that cocky boy he was and become a very good detective." 

"You should tell him that. He still thinks that you hate him."

"I don't intend too. Its good that he thinks that. Anyway you can go. I'll be alright." 

She nodded in agreement and prepared herself to leave. 

"And kid?" She looked back at him, "I'm ok with you two and happy that you're happy. 

It seems that he is good for you, after all, you came back from that hole you were in, for him." 

"It was for him but it was for you too, the kidnapping just made me realize how much I need to be here. In the unit and with you. We becoming something else came after that. I just never stopped caring for him I guess and he is a good guy. You know that." 

"Yeah, I have to agree with that. Go! Like he is with you, he's probably worried by now because of your silence." 

"How he is with me?" 

"The same way that you are with him. You two don't notice I guess but all the team can tell how worried you two get when one of you disappears for a moment. The look in your eyes changes, in both of you. It's funny to watch though." 

Erin blushed, smiled back at him, at the man that was her real father and said. "Ok bye. If you need something just call ok.  Don't cry alone please, its not good for anyone." 

"I'm not gonna cry!"  

"Yeah Hank... Maybe you should call Olivia." 

"Why?"  

"Like you don't know..." 

He kept looking at her, expecting some kind of explanation. 

"Well because she is good in a crisis, that's why and because you two seem to like each other's company.  And I'm not implying anything by this okay, just... She is good for you." 

Hank just nodded, he knew she was right. Olivia was good for him and he liked to talk to her.  What Erin didn't know was that they talked almost every week, sometimes twice a week. Nobody knew that.  It was his secret and he would be keeping that to himself for a while.

* * *

 

Erin left Hank's house thinking about the day Jay told her that Hank gave them the okay to date. She was driving to the precinct with him, the day after they assumed that they were girlfriend and boyfriend, and they stopped  at some light and he just said, "Hank said it's okay with us as long as I got your back."

She looked at him, staring with a questioning face. “What are you talking about?”

"When you came back to the unit he approached me and said that. I just answered him that I've got your back 24/7."

She went mute thinking about that.

Her mind had traveled back to that day, because she noticed the difference in Hank, the way he talked about them now.  Today she felt closer to Hank than she used to, she felt he was her father again and not her boss. He was fragile and she was able to be there for him and that was good.

Now Hank was right, Jay was probably worried sick about her. She was not used to telling people were she was, because she didn't have anyone to be accountable to normally. She needed to get used to all this. She picked her phone up and sent Jay a message.

_*HI, sorry for being MIA. Was at Hank's. Are you awake? Can i come over?*_

* * *

 

Jay was on the couch, feet on the coffee table, beer in his hand, TV on but muted and the stereo playing The Beatles.  This case made him travel back in time. It´d been a long time since he had listened to these songs. 

His mother always loved The Beatles and in her last days she listened to this album on loop. This case make him travel to the dark days, where his mother was just alive because her heart was still beating. The cancer war was awful and devastating. They give you hope when you finish chemo, after it took from you almost all your strength and then starts to take life from you beat by beat. 

He was there to help her get through all of that, and it still hurts to picture how small she got, how tiny and weak she got. It was devastating for him, most days he felt useless, defeated and alone. He couldn't do anything to relieve her pain. Most days he just stayed there next to her. His mother put up a fight, but she lost and he still felt her eyes on him when she grabbed his hand and told him that she was done fighting.

The vibration of his phone made him wake from his daydream. It was Erin asking to come over. He smiled and answered her.

_*Of course. I´m waiting.*_

Five minutes later she was knocking on his door. 

"Hi"

"Hey, are you ok? How is Voight?"

"Ok I guess."

"I think I never saw him so fragile."

"Well, Camile was his life, his safe harbour..."

Jay nodded in comprehension with a sad smile. He took her hand and walked her to the couch where they sat together and cuddled in silence. It was just a beat later that she realized that the TV was on mute and the stereo was playing The Beatles.  She turned her face to him asking, "The Beatles?"

"My mother's favorite album."

"This case gives you a lot of memories too right?"

He gave a silent nod in agreement and kissed her forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me your thoughts!


	6. An Hell of a Scare - One Shot CPD 3x11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her life was on the line. He didn't even blink!

Kevin and Ethan were at the bar counter when Jay arrived.

"Hey," Jay nods his head.

"Jay, how are you? Hard day I heard." Ethan offers Jay the beer that was waiting for him on the counter.

"Yeah, well people don’t stop surprising us," he said, taking a sip form his beer. Today he was not in the mood to talk, he really just needed to hug Erin close to him and feel her heart beat to settle him down and make sure that she was safe. 

It was an hell of a scare. He had left the district to go home, change and give her time to offer the good news to that little girl. He even passed through that coffee shop that she liked and bought some donuts to eat on their way home, so he thought that she would already be here, but he was wrong. 

He was in no mood for big talks. He was beat, tired and he had killed a man today, after all, that’s not easy for anyone. As much as he was used to that part of the job, and he unfortunately had been in this situations more times that he liked to count, it was always hard to digest his own actions. He did it for her, her life was on the line and he acted in the moment. It was a clean shot and that's what he was trained to do. He probably, in other circumstances, could have handled the situation in a different way, but seeing her like that, all tided up and with a knife to her throat, he just pulled the trigger. But now with all the adrenaline settling down he was over analysing his actions. He was judging himself for his quick reaction.

Ethan noticed that Jay thoughts were far from the bar and could almost read what was on Jay's mind. He knew how it felt, he knew how you beat yourself up after killing a man, even if everybody tells you that you did the right thing, and that there was no other option, you always beat yourself up about it. You are not God, you can’t take another human life... but the problem is that you can and sometimes you have to do it and it’s hard but is necessary.

"Hey Jay, it’s ok! You had no choice, was the life of your colleague who was on the line. You did what you had to do."

Jay just nods and Kevin gets up and gives a gentle press on Jay's shoulder. "I´m going home. Jay you did good today... no regrets ok? You’re a good cop and we are all lucky to have you." Jay just nods again.

Ethan gets up too, leaving Jay alone. "Hey thank you both, really..." They just smile back at him and Kevin makes a salute gesture and leaves. 

Herman approaches him. "Alone today?"

"Yeah they left and I'm waiting for Lindsay, she was supposed to be here by now."

"Well there she is," Herman says, looking at the door.

She approaches them and sits on the bench next to Jay, giving his leg a little squeeze. "Hi, sorry I took so long but you know..."

"Yeah I do... It’s ok."

Herman serves her a beer, like always, and she makes a toast with Jay smiling at him. "Thank you for today."

"I did what I had to do."

"Yes I know, but you didn't even blink... When I saw your face I knew that you were going to shoot him... just knew and its the second time in a few weeks that you saved my life."

Jay looks down at the beer, she grabs his hand. "Thank you Jay."

"You scared the hell out of me Erin... When I realized that you were alone with them I felt...please... rely on me more, we are partners and sometimes you like to do things alone, I get it but I can't afford to lose you!"

His gaze was on her, but she lowers her eyes to the beer, she didn’t want to face him, because she knows he is right and she knows how he is feeling. For sometime now her heart has clenched when he was in danger or when she doesn’t know his whereabouts. So yes she knows what he means, she knows what it's like to fear for another's life, to fear that she may lose one of the people that really matter to her, that really are her life. That team is her family, she has no one else that she can call family. Bunny doesn’t count. The possibility of losing one of them was terrifying but the possibility of losing Jay was devastating and she doesn’t want to think what that could do to her.

"Do you want to go home?"  
Jay nods in agreement. "I bought donuts for a late night snack!" He smirks at her.  
"You know me too well, let’s go then, meet me at my place? Or you prefer that we go to your place?"  
"As you wish!"  
"Ok my house then."  
"Ok see you in ten!"  
"Bye Herman" Jay says, putting the money on the counter. Erin just waves at him.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

They get to her place almost at the same time.  
"Do you want some tea? I can make some."

"I’m ok with the donuts. I bought four because I know you will eat more than one." Jay says, giggling.

"You’re funny and always mocking me, give me that." She takes the box from him and chooses one, grabs a napkin from the counter and gives it to him. "The rest are for me. You said you were ok with one, so..."

"So that means I'm right and you are greedy" Jay laughs and takes a bite of his donuts.  
He looks at her, she is still eating. He just stays there staring at her.

"Stop! Your staring!"

He smiles and hugs her tight. "I wanted to do this since I took that gag off you," he whispers in her ear. "I needed to feel that you were ok... I need to feel your heart beat close to my chest. You scared me Erin."

She just mumbles and closes her eyes tight enjoying the hug. She inhales deep and exhales deeper. His embrace feels so good, she feared for her life too, she will not admit that to him, but when she saw him enter the room she felt alive again.

He kisses the top of her head and loosens the hug looking at her, she looks back at him.

"I was scared too Jay, but I trust you and I knew that you would come, I have backup, I have you!"

A big smile spreads across his face and he kisses her softly on her mouth, a long fond kiss. They are so close that he feels her heartbeat race and smiles in between their kisses. That’s what he needs to feel, her heart alive and kicking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you like it! This is a small one but I will love to hear from you.


	7. 'Voight defense attorney' - One Shot CPD 3x12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay wants to know more about Eddie's case. Erin is not happy about it.

Molly's was crowded like always, but they decided to meet there so Jay enters with Erin close behind. They try to pass through the crowd but it’s not easy. Jay looks at Erin and she rolls her eyes. She falls behind because of some guy who stops in front of her for no reason and Jay notices, so he grabs her hand and advances through the crowd giving a sorry here and there.   
They get to Antonio’s table at the end of the bar, still holding hands, Erin notices and discreetly lets go of Jay’s hand.   
  
"So you decided to hide in the far corner of the bar?" Erin said waving her head and trying to not seem unwavering. "This is crowed man" She almost yells to be heard.   
"Yes, today this place is on fire… " Antonio jokes.  
"So are you going to tell us what Voight told you to change your mind about Eddie?" Jay was dying to know more about that story and Erin didn't give him anything.   
"What do you want to know?"   
"I just want to understand…"   
"Jay let it go," Erin says in a grumpy voice.   
"Come on Erin you are always over protective about Voight's business but even you today doubted Eddie's intentions and at the end of the day we were all right in being so suspicious about him." Jay responds to a bored faced Erin.   
"Hey don’t fight in front of me, please… " Antonio says teasingly.   
  
Erin raises her head from her phone "It’s not a fight. It is more like a disagreement. Jay is stubborn."  
"And you're not? " Jay asks quickly.   
"Yes I am but I have my reasons." Erin was almost enjoying this, Jay was getting a little too irritated with her and that was funny to watch. Jay just shakes his head and looks for an answer on Antonio’s face.   
"He basically told me about the time that he was in jail and how Eddie saved his life there, became his guardian. And after I heard that I decided that Eddie deserves a chance and I believed that Voight is different now so… I just go with my gut. After all my first feeling was the right one… anyway all went well." Antonio said in a serious tone.  
"Yes, it seems that Al is the most wise man in this unit. He was the one who told Voight to take you in the end." Jay ad.  
"Yeah man, you know Al is… is Al, this unit would not be half of what it is without him." Antonio says this locking at his glass. Clearly Al means a lot to everyone in this unit.  
  
Both Erin and Jay nod. Erin faces Jay and adds, "It was Al who called me telling me that you had been kidnapped, I guess Voight doesn't know that Al always has your back too."  
  
Jay looks at her and grabs her hand under the table with a little squeeze. He can see the pain on her face. It was a rough day and he needs to thank Al for calling her. Jay, for a minute travels back to that day, the moment that he saw her, his heart beat sped up like crazy. He knew that someone would come for him but he wasn’t expecting her. She was the last person that he thought of seeing there and when her hands touched his face he forgot all the torture that he had suffer earlier and he forgot as well how mad he was with her for leaving the unit. In that moment all he wanted was to hug her and feel her heart beat against his chest. But his hands were tied and well… all the craziness happened next.   
  
"You didn’t tell me that. I thought it was Voight… " Jay says facing her and gazing in her eyes.   
"Voight? Voight was pissed when I showed up and demand to delivery the files. You can ask Antonio."   
"Yeah, men he was on fire that day… " Antonio confirms.  
"Anyway Al is the man and we all know it." Erin says trying to change the subject. She still feels to emotional about that day and she doesn’t want to break into tears in front of them but she feels her heart constrict as the image of Jay all beat and bloody coming in the room at the hands of that stupid hack. She shakes her head trying to clear that image and goes to the bar to grab more beers for them.   
  
They keep up the small talk for a while until Antonio decides to go home. The bar is pretty much empty at this hour, all the craziness past with the end of the game that was on.   
  
Kevin approaches them.   
  
"Finally man where were you?" Jay asks.   
"Sorry I got caught up on a phone call." Kevin mumbles.   
"I’m leaving anyway you guys, see you tomorrow," Antonio says leaving the table. He just passes by the bar to give his sister a hug and heads out.   
"We should go too." Erin says in a soft tone looking at Jay and squeezing his leg, but then looks at Kevin and says. "I’m leaving you guys."   
Jay notices Erin's change of tone and says, "Hey Kevin are you staying?" Kevin was far from there… "Kevin… man are you even here?"   
Kevin looks at him like he had just notice where he was. "Yeah bro I’m sorry I was… let it go…"   
"What? What’s wrong man?" Jay asks.   
"It’s not mine to tell…"   
Erin looks at him and already knows that its something with Kim, they were best friends, and Kevin seems really sad about something. "It's Kim isn’t it?"   
  
Kevin just nods.   
  
"What’s up Kevin, come on we are all friends here… I’m sure that Kim will be ok with you telling us." Erin almost whispers.   
  
Kevin looks at them for a minute . "Fuck… Look you didn't hear it from me but Burgess just broke off the engagement. I've been on the phone with her since I got here… she is… I don’t know maybe you should talk to her Erin… but not tonight, she said she doesn’t want to see anyone, not even me, that’s why we were on the phone."  
  
"Ok that’s bad… I will talk to her tomorrow, don’t worry… And sorry but I’m beat… I’m leaving." Erin says with a sad smile on her face.   
  
"Yeah I’m leaving too… did you talk to Ruzek?" Jay asks.   
  
"No! He doesn’t answer the phone. I believe he wasn’t expecting this." Kevin said. "I’m going home too, this night is over anyway. Bye guys… see you tomorrow."

* * *

  
They park far from her building, the street was crowded that night and they walk side by side in silence. Both are thinking about Kim and Adam. It was strange to see a couple collapses like that.   
  
_Kim must be devastated._ Erin thought to herself.   
  
_What a hell Adam put up this time_. Jay thought.   
  
"What are you so quiet about?" Erin asks.   
"Adam and Kim." Jay said. " You?"  
Erin look up. "Same."   
  
They are silent for a little more time.   
"About the Voight thing." They say at the same time and both smile.   
"You first." Jay says waiting for her to talk.   
"I don’t like arguing with you." Erin says grabbing his hand and kissing his palm.   
"I don’t like it either but you get on my nerves when you get all 'Voight defense attorney' with me." Jay was calling the elevator.   
"Jay look at me!" Erin says, but he doesn’t want to look at her, if he looks at her the conversation is over because he will lose him self in her eyes and he's been dying to kiss her ever since they left the district earlier today. They've had hardly anytime alone this week.   
  
"Jay look!" Erin insists, but he just stares at the elevator door. "I know Voight has a shady past and we don’t agree with the way that he handles things most of the times, but he protects this unit with his life and you know that and for that, I always got his back and you know I got your back too every time that your life was on the line so… "  
Jay looks at her, she is giving him her best puppy eyes. "Ok, ok I call it off, after all today he played right…"   
  
They finally enter her home and crash on the couch. Erin was sleepy and lay down putting her legs on Jay’s lap. Jay looks at her and mumbles in a very low tone. "You are still not comfortable with us." And makes the quote symbol with his fingers when he says us.   
  
She looks at him, smiles and says. "No I’m not… I just… I don’t know… I just feel uncomfortable that’s all. Give me time ok!"   
  
He nods and grabs her hand, drawing little circles with his thumb on it. He just gazes at her and keeps moving his thumb and then he slowly climbs on her and kiss her neck, pretty small and tickling kisses. "Are you comfortable with this?" He teases her.   
  
She groans. "If you do that here, yes I’m comfortable, out of here I’m not and you know that."   
  
"Yes because all I want is making out with you in front of all of our colleagues!" He says sitting up and laughing.   
  
"I don’t know maybe you like having an audience," Erin says, smiling at him. She raises her eyebrow like she sometimes does and waits for him to come to her again.   
  
He stares at her without a word and then kisses her softly on the lips, he feels her lying down under him. "I guess if I want some action tonight I better hurry right? You seem like you are going to fall asleep any minute now."   
  
Erin just smiles at him and kisses him. "Let’s go to bed and maybe I can stay awake for like five minutes." And then she giggles when he picks her up and takes her to the bedroom. 

* * *

  
He is woken up by the slot of light that peaks from the blinders in the bedroom, it will be a sunny day apparently. It is six am and he decides to get up and go home to change but first he goes to the coffee shop down the street and gets two coffees and two bagels for breakfast.   
  
When he comes back he is expecting that she will be awake but... _How this girl can sleep with all that light in the room is incredible._ He thinks.   
  
He sits on the end of the bed and stays there for more time then he'd like to admit just staring at her. She is to damn beautiful and he is to damn lucky to have her.   
  
She moves on the bed to get a better position and covers her head with the pillow. She doesn't even notice that he is already up and staring at her so he decides to leave because it's getting late and he still needs to shower and change at his house.   
  
He leaves a note to her and decides to call her in half an hour to make sure she gets to work in time.   
  
*Hey, I went home to change and left you breakfast on the counter.   
I love to watch you sleep by the way and now you are calling me a creep.   
See you soon.   
  
PS I need a drawer in this house ok?   
Kiss   
Jay *  
  
She wakes up and feels the empty and cold space in the bed next to her, she looks at her phone, seven am. She needs to get up. Jay has left already and she is late. She enters the bathroom and sees the note on the sink. A huge smile spreads across her face while she reads it and then the phone rings. She looks at the caller id, it is him.   
  
"Hey good morning!" She says with her hoarse voice.   
"Hey… Sorry I left but I needed a shower and to change so… but I left breakfast." Jay informs her.   
"It’s ok! Sorry I overslept and didn't have breakfast with you." She says even more hoarse.   
"Hey no problem."   
"And we need to talk about that drawer." Erin says, smiling.   
"Don’t worry we'll get there when we get time for it… now get dressed, you are late."   
"Yes Sir!" She answers giggling.   
"Funny… I'll see you soon!" Jay says and hangs up.   
  
Erin stands there looking at the phone… _God girl you look like a school girl in love for the first time!_ She thinks to herself and starts to get ready to leave. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this one. Fell free to tell me what you think.


	8. You Hurt my Ego - One Shot CPD 3x13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She slap him and hurt his ego. He call her drunk and pissed her off.

The fuss in the bar was getting on Jay´s nerves. Why did they end up there almost every night anyway? The noise was very disturbing for him, that wasn’t normal, but today Jay was not feeling normal. 

She was supposed to be there by now, but she wasn’t. Jay wasn’t even listening to any of Adam and Kevin conversation, just nodding from time to time to seem like he was there, but he wasn’t. His eyes were on the door since they got there. He'd been waiting for her, for like one hour.

He got distracted by Dawson, because she approached them with the shots that Ruzeck order.

"Here you go guys! Looks like you deserve these today!" Dawson said distributing the drinks. "Cops robbing people is not nice."

"Thank you Gabby." Kevin nodded with a smile.

"Don’t thank me, thank Ruzek he’s the one who’s paying." Dawson left with a smile and winked at Ruzeck.

They kept talking about their day and how a recognized officer could do something like what he did and how easy it was to go down that hole. But Jay's mind is still elsewhere. 

Erin seemed strange when they left the precinct. First she slapped him, then when he approached her after the bust she barely talked to him, she returned his jacket without a word, just a nodded. During the day she seemed good, amused even. She laughed in his face when he gave her a lecture about microbes when she ate that gross french fry but then when they left the precinct she just said she would be at Molly’s without even looking at him. As always his insecurities about her were getting to him. He wasn't used to feeling like this, she was the only one that could make him feel like a school boy and that pissed him off.

What a hell did I do this time? He mumbled to himself.

"Sorry Halstead?" Kevin asked. 

"What?" Jay said taking his eyes from the door and looking at both his colleagues with a poker face.

"You mumbled something."

"Oh… sorry… I guess I was talking to myself."

"Are you waiting for some one? Maybe a small brunette?" Ruzek asked, teasing him. 

"No, no… I’m just tired I guess, tonight was… well maybe I should go home, get some rest." Jay was not giving them reasons to provoke him more, he was already nervous about her absence.

"Yes, yes I know were you want to go…"

"Hey Ruzek… Careful… You're treading on thin ice there…" Jay said, not very happy about all that conversation.

"Ok, ok I'll shut up, but we are here man; we are your friends, what is bothering you?" 

"Yes I will tell you all my problems for you to have material to get up my ass for a week… You wish." Jay said, sarcastically. 

Kevin laughed and Ruzek looked all offended. These two were always goofing around.

Jay laughed with them and said, "I guess I’m leaving."

Kevin looked at the door. "Maybe you shouldn’t, the one you're looking for just entered the room."

Jay turned his head and saw Erin smiling to Herman as she came closer to the bar.

The guys started mocking Jay's face, he smiled broadly at them. "Look… shut up ok… you two don’t have something more interesting to do than get up my ass all night?"

"Are you saying that you want us to leave for you to be alone with the girl? If Voight hears about this." 

Jay cut him off wagging his head. "Come on you guys… you are on the edge today."

"Hey Erin!" Ruzek shouted, "We are here, come join us."

Erin looked at them, three fools, but she kind of liked them, she smiled, order a beer and approached their table.

"Hi!" Erin said, smiling. "So what’s up?"

"Oh you know just making Halstead’s life miserable." Ruzek said seriously. Jay gave Erin a small smile and a “I’m going to kill you” look to Ruzek.

"Why are you two harassing him?" Erin was still smiling as she sat next to Jay.

"Just for fun you know… it’s easy to get on him…" Ruzek shouted. 

Erin put her hand on Jay’s knee and squeezed a little. Suddenly, Jay felt more confident, feeling her touch always calmed him. "What took you so long?" He asked. 

"So after all you were waiting for her." Ruzek said teasingly and Jay looked at him unimpressed. 

"Shut up Ruzek."

"Do you really want to know?" Erin said with a smirk. Jay nodded, waiting for the answer. "I fell asleep. I felt so tired. I just wanted to lay on the couch for a minute and woke up like two minutes ago. I could have stayed home but… anyway I’m here now."

Jay smiled at her and under the table she took his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. He kept drawing circles on her hand with his thumb. From time to time they exchanged a cute smile.

The conversation flew back to the case and they kept joking between them. Time got away from them until they suddenly realized they had to go, because in the morning Voight would not tolerate delays.

"Ok guys I’m going back to my sleep." Erin said laughing.

"Yeah I’m going to… I mean not to your sleep, I believe Halstead… never mind." Kevin said when he saw the killer look that Halstead was giving him. "But I’m going home."

"Adam are you staying here for the night?"

"What?" Adam was completely numb. "No I’m going home too." He said getting up from the chair with some trouble standing. "You two behave." He said point to both Erin and Jay.

"Hey I was the first saying I was leaving so…" Erin said as she got up to leave. She looked at Jay, "Are you coming or is it you who will stay here for the night?" Her face was not friendly. Sometimes understanding Erin wasn’t easy, Jay thought to himself. She spent almost all night with her hand intertwined with his hand, she was all smiles to him and now she was almost barking at him.

"Yeah I’m leaving too, I really need some sleep." Jay said grabbing his jacket.

They get outside and head to their cars. Erin stayed behind and Jay noticed. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" Jay asked, shyly. 

"What’s with you today Jay?" Erin asked in a raspy tone.

"What’s up with me? What’s up with you? You slap me today, practically run from me after work then went all smiles with me here and at the end of the night almost beat me because I wasn’t getting up. I figured you were upset and don’t want my company so I was going home." Jay said, in an irritated tone that turn into a sad voice.

She just hugged him and kissed him softly on his lips, just a small and quick kiss that made his heart melt. He smiled at her still hugging her. "And with that you think you can solve all your problems…"

"It’s working?" She asked in a lower tone and with her head crushed in his chest.

"A little." Jay said, still smiling. "What’s the problem Erin?"

"I don’t know, today I felt weird, sorry… I think it’s not you… or maybe it is… lets just go home ok?"

"Yours or mine?" Jay asked already knowing the answer. She preferred to be at her place, it’s where all her things were, and in the end he preferred that too as she always made a mess in his bathroom. She just smiled at him and he knew the answer.

They got in their cars and drove to Erin’s apartment, they entered the building and her apartment together, falling on the couch at the same time.

Jay looked at her. "So are we good?"

"Yeah, why?" Erin was smiling and snuggling up to him.

"You slapped me, you know?" Jay said seriously.

"I was in character, I needed to be convincing," She said smiling at him.

"You didn’t need to slap me to be convincing. My face still hurts." He said with his best puppy face, rubbing the spot were she hit him.

"Please don’t tell me that you can't handle a slap?" Erin was mocking him. "Come on you are one of the toughest guys I know."

"Funny… I can handle the slap but you hurt my ego." Jay said, raising his eyebrows.

Erin loved that about him. "You called me a drunk, so what did you expect?"

"Hey I was in character too! You... maybe I shouldn’t have said that... sorry… too soon?"

"It’s ok… I guess it bothers me a little…"

Jay cut her off. "Look Erin you know that’s not that what I think of you… I swear." Jay's voice was full of remorse. 

"Yeah I know!" She had a little smile on her face. She kept staring at him. "But the slap was very convincing so we were good, don’t you think?"

"Thank God none of them saw that." Jay replied, amused.

"Imagine how this night would have been if Adam or Kevin had seen that." Erin said giggling. "They would make your life miserable, for two weeks minimum."

Jay just chuckled and pulled her closer to him. He hugged her, enjoying the feeling of her weight on him, and massaged her scalp with his fingers like she enjoyed so much.

"I’m glad that we talked." He said in a soft tone and kissed her head.

"Yeah, I am too. We are getting good at this… I mean the talking part." She said cheerful. "Look I know that I’m evasive some times but… I know everybody knows about us... but... I feel strange showing affection when someone is present."

"I noticed and you know I’m ok with that but sometimes if I look from the outside it seems that you are closer to Antonio than me and that’s strange."

She smiled to him, a cute smile. He loved that smile, she looked like a little girl. "I’m sorry I’m a weirdo." She laid her head on his chest again. They rearrange their position to get more comfortable.

"We should go to bed." Erin said, almost in a gasp.

"Hum, hum" Jay mumbled nodding his head. He grabbed her chin and gave her a light kiss, a lovely kiss and laid back, she rested her head on his chest and intertwined her hand with his. 

No more than two minutes later both fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is the one shot from 3x13. Hope you guys like it and fell free to comment!


	9. Just Friends - CPC One Shot 3x14 A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yates craziness was over, what now?

She left the bar by herself. Olivia was right she needed time…

Jay text her, if she wants him to come by her home, he didn’t call or insisted with her, when she said no… God, he knows her to well. She need to deal with all that rage and guilt and sadness by herself, like always… all she need was a hot bath and curl up in her bed for a while, trying to hide from the world for a while, she need that…

After she spends like an hour in the shower, she picks up something to wear, she found Jay sweater and put it on… oh she loves that smell. And just like that Olivia words came to her head:  
\- I’m still trying… but you know, my phone is always on… always …  
– Thank you… - You know that you have a family that you can relay on… all intelligence unit, they give his life for you. And Hank, well Hank love you… and he it’s afraid that you go down to the rabbit hole again… so reach for someone if you need it, please don’t close in your shell again… and this time you have Jay…

Erin’s face freeze, she is always forgetting that they are not hiding anymore.

\- Yes I do know about Jay and I think it’s a very good thing, and I’m very happy for you bought – Olivia said with a big smile on her face.  
– Jay is there for you, you know, he spends all day worrying about you, did you see his face? You need to let him reach you, let people that love you, help you… It took me a while to figure out that my people were there for me, but it’s good when you realize that they can help. – Olivia hold her hand for a while – Let them in Erin…

Erin lay down on her bed, turn around for a while and started to picture Yates there, inside her house, in her sofa, in her kitchen, going through her stuff… and started to feel the tears falling down… she can’t be on her own house alone… she felt the fear taking over her… she doesn’t want to feel like that again… she picks up her phone…

\- Hello? Erin are you OK? – Olivia asks with a concerned voice.  
\- Hi… I just… Well I… I just can’t sleep… I keep imagine him inside my house… it’s terrifying – Erin said with a raspy voice.  
\- It’s Erin – Olivia answers to some male voice.  
\- Oh sorry, you’re not alone – Erin said with a tone of surprise in her voice - I thought that you were in the hotel, sorry I call you tomorrow.  
\- No it’s OK, don’t hang up, I tell you that I will be here for you and I am… actually is Hank.  
\- What?  
\- I’m at Hank’s… so… it’s OK. – Olivia said.

Erin notices a little hesitation in her voice.

\- Hank? OK. Don’t ask, don’t tell – Erin said with a giggle on her voice. And just like that she feels a little better.  
\- Hey it’s nothing like that… we are just friends and like I said to you, we should relay on our friends when things got messed up. – Olivia said. Erin notice she was smiling by the tone of her voice – OK - Erin said in a vague tone.  
\- Jay called Hank – Olivia said.  
\- Oh, and?  
\- He wanted to know if you have reached out. – Olive answer with a sad voice – Hank told him no and for him to wait for you to do it.  
– You should call him Erin, it will be good for you and he is so worried.  
\- I don’t know… I just feel like… I want to be brave, but… I don’t want him to see me like this. - Erin said with his raspy voice again.  
\- You want me to come to your house? If you want, I can stay with you… - Olivia suggest. – Hank is saying that you can come over to his place and stay here too.  
\- No, I don’t want to chaperon – Erin said smiling.  
\- Hey I already tell you… just friends remember?  
\- Yes, me and Jay wore just friends too, you know?  
\- Well anyway, what do you want to do? – Olivia said giggling and changing the subject.  
\- I … never mind… I will be here… or maybe I call Jay…  
\- What you think it’s better for you Erin.  
\- Olivia? - Yes? - Thank you.  
\- Always Erin, like I told you.  
\- OK. Bye.

Erin hangs up and stays with the phone in her hand, she goes to speed dial and look at Jay’s name…

Fifteen minutes later she was in front of Jay’s apartment. She should have called first, but she thought if she does that and he not answers she will start to fall on the fear hole again… She knocks on the door… silence… maybe he wasn’t home… she knocks again just for sure.

Before he opens the door he already knew that was her, he was surprised but it’s got to be her.  
\- Erin?! – Jay look at her, dark circles around her eyes, pale skin, her girl was a mess…  
\- Sorry, but I cannot stay in my house, I feel Yates everywhere – Erin said with her raspy voice.  
\- Hey it’s ok. Come here – Jay said offering her a hug. Finally, she’s letting him in.  
– Come on in and tell me what you need.  
\- I just… - she seats on the couch and hold her legs up.  
– Can I just stay here for a couple of days? … Just until this cloud of craziness disappear.  
\- Of course. – Jay said with a little smile on his lips.

God she loves his smile… and it feels good to be there near him, it feels safe.

\- Can you hold me please? … For a while – Erin asks. Jay put his arms around her and holder for some time, she didn’t know how much, when she started to fell numb she tries to seat better and look up to him.  
\- This is good you know – Erin said with a smile. – You and me… Thank you for being here.  
\- Thank you for let me in – Jay said.

He was happy. Erin can notice.

– What made you came here? You tell me that you want to be alone, it hurts me and I get more worried than ever but I try to keep it down.  
\- I know you call Hank, Olivia told me.  
\- I was worried about… Wait, what? Olivia? – Jay asks with a question written in his face.  
\- Yes apparently she was in his house, they are just friends you know – Erin said smiling.  
\- Well that’s something I would like to see… Hank and Olivia being just friends – Jay teased.  
\- Yes, would be fun to tease Voight with that – Erin said giggling.  
\- You do that … I… I like to keep all the parts of my body… I just… Well I think I’m not allowed to tease Voight… but you do that, it will be fun to watch – Jay said with a big smile on his face. Erin was laughing and that was good.  
\- That’s my sweater – Jay said pointing to her – I thought that Ruzek had stolen from me, after all, it was you – Jay said giggling.  
\- Well it feels good on me and you left it in my house so I’m allowed to use it – Erin said doing that eye thing that he love.  
-It looks good on you – Jay teased – You can have it. – Jay said hugging her and kissing her on the forehead.

For a while they just stay there, his arms around her, without saying a word.

\- I think I need to sleep – Erin said finally. – Maybe we can go to bed, what you think?  
\- Yes, of course.

They just lay on the bed, his arms holding her, his fingers going through her hair, her hand resting in his legs. And subtlety she started to cry, she just keeps crying, her body shaking from time to time. She cries for a while until she fells a sleep.  
He knows she need it that, he had been in that dark place and crying helped for sure, more than he wanted to admit. He shifted his body to make her more comfortable and whispers in her hear:  
\- Tomorrow will be better, you will see  
\- Thank you Jay – she mumbles in her sleep.


	10. The Day After - CPD One Shot 3x14 B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after all Yates mess.

She wakes up scared, she sat on the bed trying to figure out where she was, her breathing was harsh, seconds ago she had herd Yates voice, where was she?… it was dark… she looks to her side and see him… he was still a sleep quietly, lying on his back.   
She was at Jay’s, and Yates was gone, she shot him…   
\- Come on girl get your shit together – Erin mumbles to herself. She gets up to go to the bathroom, she doesn’t want to wake him so didn’t turn on the light… not a very good idea… she stumbled on something… - Ouch – Erin sighed.   
He wakes up, grabs is gun from his night stand in a blink of a second… - Who is there? – Jay asks.   
\- It’s me… sorry don’t mean to wake you… - Erin said turning on the light, and that was when she sees the gun – Oh it’s OK, it’s just me…   
\- Hey sorry, sorry… I just… I was dreaming I guess… - Jay said putting the gun down - Sorry yesterday was crazy and I’m not used to have company…   
\- That´s because you never invite me here – Erin said teasing him.   
\- No, that´s because you always want to stay in your house, because you have all your stuff there and everything, don’t put this on me. – Jay said getting out of the bed hugging her and kissing her lightly on her lips.   
\- Yes, yes, excuses… go fix me same breakfast while I get dress. – Erin said turning her back on him, with a smile on her face.

She enters in the bathroom and takes off his sweater... she saw the bruising… And all came back to her again, tears started to fall on her face, her hands began to shake a little… she grabs the sink with both hands, trying to get herself together.   
\- Come on Erin… it´s all over – she said to herself looking in the mirror. – He´s dead… - She said that, but that doesn't mean that she misses Nadia less, and the cry gets louder.

Jay heard her and think to himself if he should go there or let her be, for a little while he just stood there hearing... her cries was hurting him too much, so he decides to go in.   
\- Hey, it´s OK… it´s all over now. – Jay said hugging her and then cleaning the tears from her face gently. – Just relax, I´m here for you… - Jay said.   
\- I miss her so much…   
\- I know, I miss her too – Jay said and stay there just with his arms around her and let her cry with her head buried in his chest.   
She doesn’t know how long they stay there, but she started to fell calmer, look at him and said:   
\- We need to get to work…   
\- We need to get breakfast first… I made something for you, like you commended - Jay said with a little smirk in his face. - Come on, get dressed.

They get to the district together. It was not a secret anymore, that they were together, so was no point on taking two cars for work.   
They get inside and Platt said something about Erin should had stayed at home and Halstead forcing her to come to work just to be around her, but she just smile to her, she still feels a little numb with all of that had happened. She got a little more comfortable when she gets upstairs and saw Olivia.   
\- Hey, you steel here? – Erin asked – Thought you had a plane early this morning?   
\- I want to say goodbye to you. – Olivia answer.   
\- To me or to Voight? – Erin asked with a teasing smile in her face. – Oh wait... you do that last night, right?   
\- Erin don’t do that to me. – Olive begs smiling – I told you what it is…   
\- Yes, yes, I know what it is – Erin keep teasing. Voight enter in the break room and asks:   
\- What is what?   
\- Oh nothing, just something Olivia is telling me about last night – Erin answer now teasing Hank.   
\- Erin, don't. – Hank said.   
\- OK, OK, I don't, but is funny … - Hank give her a threatening look – I shut my mouth now. – Erin said smiling.

Jay observes all this from a distance, at least she was smiling and that was good, very good actually. For a minute he goes back to the days after Nadia´s death and remember how Erin close herself… and try to wash that thoughts away… she seems better now and he will not make the same mistakes again, this time he was here and will not let her go to that hole she likes to hide, no way he allow that again.

The morning start with paper work about the Yates mess and all the team was on their desks. Olivia and Hank were talking in his office.

\- Well guys I’m leaving, as always it was great working with all of you, hope see you all soon but in better circumstances. – Olivia said going out of Hank´s office. She gives Hank a quick hug and said looking through the bullpen to Erin :   
\- Take care of you and keep an eye on her, OK?   
– Of course, I stay in touch. – Hank answers in a low voice and with a little smile. Olivia say good bye to everyone and let Erin to the end. - Be safe girl and remember what I told you… My phone is always on… always – Olivia said hugging tight on Erin.   
\- Yes I know, and thank you for that and for your advice about Jay… I reach him last night and it was good and the right thing to do… thank you – Erin told her with a sad smile on her face.   
\- You are going to be OK… You just need time, you will see. - Yes – Erin nodded. Olivia turns her back to Erin and said: - Goodbye guys… - waving her hand high.  
\- Hey Olivia – Erin call and then lower her voice – It´s OK You know… You and Hank… And it is a good thing…   
Olivia grabs Erin´s hand, squeezed a little and smile. Hank words came to her head:   
\- I liked that you could be here more often. You´re good to me... you know... and to Erin too…


	11. The Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is not an one shot about one of the episodes of CPD but I think it fits perfectly on "Us Being US". It is not totally accurate with what is happening right now in the series but as I said I think it fits.  
> Last month I had some family medical drama that lead me to this. I spend some time in the hospital waiting and this come out. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it. It's a bit too emotional because I was emotional to but I felt better after I right it...

Jay's phone had been buzzing all morning. He kept ignoring it because it was his brother, probably to tell him about one of his new girls and he was too busy to loose time with that stuff. Or maybe it was to talk about how much in love he was with Natalie, anyway it wasn't a good day for pep talks.

He had a stack of process files piled up on his desk because Antonio was on vacation and Adam was not doing his job, as always, and they had promised to buy him dinner if he cleared all that bureaucratic work on his own. These past weeks had been hard on him. Since the internal affairs started questioning his and Erin ability to work as partners because they found out that they had moved in together, his life had became a living hell and doing bureaucratic work obligate him to concentrate on something different than his life right now.

Erin went back to her old apartment because she didn't want to give IA more reasons for her integrity and professionalism be questioned. Since the Voight thing, she had been on the line and under deep investigation from the Ivy Tower and when they found out that they were living together it reinforced all the doubts that they had about her and they were questioning her every step.

After a deep talk and serious ponderation they decided that it was better to live in different houses for awhile, just until the dust settled and the attention was back off them.

This arrangement was a set back in their lives and he could feel Erin slipping through his fingers again. She was not closing herself off like she did in the past but he could fell that she was distant. They still were together and they still worked as partners but he could feel difference in her and acknowledged that he could loose her again, make him grumpy and moody and he ended up diving into work to forget that they hadn't slept together for more then a month now.

The intimacy between them had gone back to the high school boyfriend and girlfriend stage. They shared a kiss or two when he dropped her off at her house after dinner and not much other then that. This situation was getting in his head and he had to confess that the lack of sex affected him too. Not that he could not live without it, but having her all day with him and then not being able to do anything was really frustrating. He missed her, he missed funny and giggling Erin. He missed sarcastic Erin and teaser Erin and God he missed sexy Erin.

He missed the good days they were living until some ass decided to kill Justin. She mourned her stepbrother but she managed to fight her weakness and stay above the surface on this and let him help her to pass through this faze but this Ivy Tower thing was getting on her nerves.

She didn't like to be watched and questioned like that and this investigation was making her question everything in her life. She loved her job. She had fought so hard for it and she was desperate to keep it. Jay knew how much she loved him, but he also knew how much she needed to survive in this world that they lived in.

His phone buzzed again and Erin raised her head from her desk and ask him. "Are you going to answer that or not?"

He looked at her, her raspy tone had come back, he hated when she used him as a punching bag. All his frustrations was flowing between them as was her frustrations and he was her obvious target.

He shook his head and picked the phone up from the desk. It was a strange number and he decided to answer.

"Halstead."

"Finally man, I've been calling you since earlier today. Why didn't you pick up!"

"Well Will I'm working so I hope this is important!"

"Father has come here to emergency surgery. He is in there right now!"

"Dad what? But why? What happen?"

Jay's face turned red and then pale as death. She noticed his free hand started to shake. She got up from her desk, walked to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. She could feel the tension that he was under.

"You know I don´t talk to him right? What do you want me to do, Will?"

"It's our father Jay, come on. Maybe you should come and be with him for a while and try to make peace."

"Ok I will be there!" She heard him say. He turned to her. "My father went in MED for an emergency kidney surgery."

She caressed his hair. "What happen?"

"Apparently his kidney failed and when they called the ambulance he asked for Will's hospital."

"They? Who? I thought he was not in Chicago!" She ask in surprise.

"Truth be told, I really don't know where he was, because I haven't talk to him for a while." Jay looked sad and in a split second he aged like ten years. He was concerned and she realized, in that moment, how short life could be. Jay didn't talk to his father for she didn't know how long, but he was his father and apparently this life and death situation put Jay in a difficult spot. He looked completed defeated right now.

All this got her thinking. She needed this man, she could not afford to loose him. She needed to stop this nonsense of not being together because of what some stupid suit thought of her, her work abilities and her loyalty to Voight. What did those assholes want from her anyway? The man was the only family that she could call family and now they wanted her to give away the only person on her life that she really could rely on, right now? She didn't give a damn what these people thought. He really needed her right now and she had to be there for him. She felt him shiver under her hand. "Jay calm down it will be ok! He is in good hands and it will be ok you will see."

"I have't spoken to him since... I really don't know when and if he dies and I'm not able to tell him that... I don't really know what to tell him because I still hate him for the way he treated my mother and I really don´t know if I can face him." Jay rubbed his chin, trying to relax but she could still feel his tense body under her hand.

"Jay, you should really go. You should make peace. If you don't you will regret. Don't you think? I'll go with you!" She said softly still caressing his hair.

"You should´t because of the investigation." He said.

"Look I really don't give a damn about this stupid investigation. You need me right now and I'm your girlfriend and your partner and I will not back off just because some suits think I'm not reliably enough for this stupid job. I'm here for you. For what you need without restrictions." Erin talk in a fast and angry tone.

He smiled at her words and got up from his chair. He hugged her, hugged her pretty tight and when he released her from the hug she kissed him, right there in the middle of the bullpen with most of her colleagues present. She hugged him and kissed him again deeper. After the kiss she whispered in his hear. "I'm not afraid of them and I'm here for you. Don't doubt that ok?"

He just nodded his head in agreement and hugged her again. He too whisper in her ear. "Thank you and welcome back!"

Their colleges ignored what they saw, because they knew better to mess with a pretty moody Erin these days and a really grumpy Jay.

She smiled at his sweet face. Now he didn't look so aged anymore. He had some light in his face again.

"Let's go ok?" She said.

He nodded, and with his hand behind her back, walked to the stairs. It was there they both noticed there was an IA investigator. He was looking straight at them both and he had a satisfied look on his face.

"Good to see you Detective Lindsay! How are you?"

With her face devoid of emotion and a raspy tone she answer him rapidly. "We are leaving so if you have something to tell me, you can inform our desk Sargent." She walked past him, leaving the building with Jay almost running behind her.

"Wait up Erin!"

"I'm sick of those guys really! What do they want for me?" Erin said irritated.

"You know that he saw us kissing right?" Jay asked, without knowing if he should be talking about this or not.

"We have more important things to do right now. We have to go see your father. So let's go!" She said turning her back again on him and walking straight to the 300.

They traveled almost without talking she was nervous, with everything that was going on flouting in her head, he could tell. He was trying to figure out what to do when he got to the hospital. He was not prepared to see his father in a hospital bed. He, for sure, was not prepared to talk to him and make peace. Could he forgive him? These words were still floating in his head when Erin parked in front of MED.

"So... do you want to go alone?" She asked with her hand on his leg letting him know that she had his back.

"No, I want you to come with me please." He said grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it.

She nodded at him and they both got out of the car and walked to the hospital.

He was greeted by his brother and the three of them walked to the room where their father was.

"The surgery went well and dad is out of danger right now, but it really was a big scare. Thought he will probably recover from this and get back to his normal life soon than later," Will informed them.

When Jay saw him laying there he stopped and started to breath quickly. Erin grabbed his hand but he didn't move. She looked at him and he was pale.

"I need to sit down!" He gasped.

"Are you ok Jay?" Erin asked with concern.

"I just need to sit down please!"

"Jay do you want some water?" Will asked, but Jay didn't answer make Will doubt what he should do. In the end, he decide to go to the cafeteria to grab a bottle of water for his brother.

Erin went with Jay to find a chair and as soon as he sat he started crying. Sob after sob. She just hugged him without knowing what to do with her own eyes full of tears.

When he saw his father in that hospital bed it all came back to him. His mother's fight, and struggle. His mother in a hospital bed and how weak she looked, just like his father looked right now. All these thoughts were to much for him to handle.

Erin's heart broke for him. She felt helpless and devastated watching his suffering. Jay was one of the strongest men that she knew. She saw him cry once or twice not more for sure. Seeing him like this was hard to witness and she wanted so badly to help him but she really didn't know what to do.

"Jay? What you need?"

He didn't answer her right away. But she felt him calming down slowly. The sobs slowly went away and he finally raised his head and looked at her. "Being here is the best you could do for me, thank you. And sorry but seeing him like that brings all my memories about my mother back. I was alone for that and ... it hurts a lot and... I don't know if I can forgive him Erin."

"Take your time Jay! It's ok. No one is forcing you to do nothing. Ok?" Erin said kneeling in front of him with both hands on his legs. Hands, that he picked up and raised to his own face.

"Thank you!"

He got up from the chair and went straight to his father's room. When he entered his father was awake and as soon as he saw him he raised his hand for him to grab but Jay didn't do it. He just sat on the chair that was next to the bed. Erin stood next to him. He stayed there in silence for a bit.

His father waited for him and as he didn't said a word he took a chance. "Jay I ..."

"Don't!" Jay's voice was broken. "You don't have the right to ask me anything. You left me alone with her. She didn't die alone because of me. You left her in excruciating pain knowing everything she was going through and you didn't care. You abandoned her. " He was almost yelling now. "If it wasn't for me she would have died alone and now you want company? "

Erin squeezed Jay's shoulder trying to calm him down but it didn't work. He was almost barking at his father. "You left her for dead. You don't do that to a dog and you did it to your own wife. What kind of man does that?"

His father listened to all that he said and when he finish he just said, "I know I don´t deserved it and I know I failed you, your brother and mostly your mother but I don't want to die knowing you have so much anger towards me."

Jay started to cry again. Erin knelt again in front of him. "Jay! It's ok! Calm down!" She was so heartbroken with all of this. Her brave man was on the edge and she didn't know how to help him. She kissed his forehead and he hugged her. She looked at him straight in his eyes. "Jay do you want to leave?"

"Yes I do! Dad I just want to say that some day I will forgive you. Now I just can tell you that I really hope you get better." He got up took Erin's hand, intertwined his fingers with hers, kissed her hand and then her head. "Thank you and I love you!"

He started walking to the door. "See you dad," he said, without looking back.

When they were out of the room she got up on her tip toes to reach him and kissed him softly. "I love you too. Today even more."

Will witnessed all this from a safe distance. It was to hard to witness his brother suffering and he knew that he was the one to blame too, their relationship was in a good place now but he knew Jay still has some resentment toward him about leaving. He just hoped some day they both could put that behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fell free to comment and tell me your thoughts. And thank you very much for reading my madness!


	12. Are you jealous Erin? - One Shot CPD 3x15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will interrupted something good and jealous Erin.

"What? Sorry babe, I can’t hear you. Let me go outside."

Erin closed the bar door behind her and felt a chill run up her spine. It was another pretty cold night and she was really getting tired of the crappy weather. She zipped her jacket up but still felt the cold under her skin.

"Shit…"

"What? Something wrong?" Jay asked in concern, as always his defenses were always on when she was the subject. He should be more relaxed, he note to himself. 

"No I’m just too cold. It’s freezing outside. So do you want me to meet you at your place?"

"Yeah ok. I'm just leaving the farm," Jay laughed. Earlier this afternoon they were joking about how he'd be working on a farm like his grandpa did. "I will be home in ten. I will wait for you there."

"Ok I’m leaving Molly’s now so… see you soon."

He got home in ten minutes, like he said and went straight to the fridge grabbing a beer. He needed it, really needed it. It was great to have the extra money but he was worn-out, two jobs was not easy going, but he knew it would be good to have that money to get a bigger house. He hoped Erin would accept the idea of them living together in a bigger apartment. He hadn't talked to her about this yet, he was afraid to scare her and make her run from him. He knew his girl and he knew her boundaries. He must be very convincing about this subject and he needed to prepare her for this.

All he wanted was to share a life with this woman. He was so damn in love with her and he knew they needed to be professional at work and respect their colleges but sometimes it was so damn hard to resist the urge to grab her and kiss her or hug her and to feel her heart beat.

At the end of the day all he wanted was to cuddle with her on the couch and enjoy each others company without restrictions. But she was not ready, he knew that. She liked to play the independent one, but he knew she was in this with him the same way, but he knew too that she needed time to take some major steps more than the simple arrangement of sleep together almost every night. She needed time…

Baby steps Jay, baby steps. He thought to himself. The knock on the door roused him from his daydream.

Jay got up from the couch, stopped by the kitchen, grabbed another beer from the fridge and headed to the door. Opening the door he offered her one cold beer. 

"You probably prefer a tea because of the cold, but beer is all I got, sorry," he said, with a cute smile.

She accepted smiling back, opened it and took a sip as she entered the living room. She stood up on her tip toes to gave him a quick kiss. 

"So how did it go?"

"Ok I guess. We just hang out there making sure that all the transactions are safe and I’m really enjoying spending time with Terry. He really is a good guy and the time passes by easy in his company."

"And her?" Erin asks.

"What about her?" Jay asks rolling his eyes. 

"She stays around with you two?" Erin inquired.

"No. Most of the time she is in her office." Jay spill with an annoyed tone on his voice.

"Platt said that she was really beautiful." Erin said, smirking.

Jay loved jealousy on her. "Erin, come on I’m not the dog you like to think I am."

She smiled a little ashamed, but she kept the posture, "I know you but I don’t know her and… anyway… just don’t give me reasons ok?"

"Reasons for what, Erin?" He sounded a little offended.

"To stop trusting you." She answered without looking at him.

He grabbed her face and raised her chin in a way that made her look straight at him. "You know you don’t have reasons to be jealous or suspicious of me. Don’t you?"

She looked away and mumbled. "I think so…"

I turn her face back to him and kissed her. First slowly and soft, but when she sank her hands in his hair he increased the kiss, their tongues danced around for a while until they stopped to take a breath. Her eyes were burning with desire. He put his hands on her hips and lifted her up.

"Bed or Couch?" He asked. 

She smiled and whispered in his ear. "Bed!"

"As you wish!" He kissed her neck near her ear lobe, making her shiver and headed to the bed.

They lay down. She was on top of him and took his shirt off while she kissed his chest. His hands were travelling along her back. "This was a very long day… I miss having you close to me." Jay ad and grabbed her face, kissing her more deeply. 

They heard a knock on the door and both lifted their heads, waiting for another knock.

"Did you hear knocking?" Jay asked, doubting himself.

"I did. Are you expecting someone? Maybe you're new boss needs some security advice." Erin said, with a grin.

"Erin…” His face was serious. "Stop it!" 

She laughed. 

They heard the knock again so Jay got up and went to answer the door. He looked at the kitchen clock on his way by. It was one am. He grabbed his gun, "who is it?" He asked against the door. 

"It’s Will."

Jay shook his head, placed his gun on the small table next to him and opened the door. "What are you doing here at this hour man?"

"Yes nice to see you too." Will answered with a fake smile. "Can I come in?"

Jay hesitated for a second, Erin was in the bedroom but his brother looked like he needed something. He looked back at Erin. She was laying on the bed, her clothes still on. She gave him an “it’s ok” sign, smiling and he gave Will a nod, backing up to let him enter the living room.

"I kissed Natalie," Will blurted out.

"Natalie, your colleague Natalie?" Jay asked, already knowing the answer, with a teasing smile on his face. "Oh sorry Will but Erin is here." Jay said scratching his chin and looking at the bedroom. Erin got up from the bed and joined them in the living room, smiling and shrugging.

"Great! Now you know too." Will threw himself on the couch.

"If you guys want I can leave." Erin says arranging her hair. 

"No Erin it’s ok, maybe a feminine opinion will help me more that my teasing brother. Get that look off of your face man." Will said looking at the trouble maker face on Jay.

"Sorry but you already knew that this was going to happen soon or later. I saw the way you look at her." Jay kept his teasing smile and was making an effort to not laugh at the look on his brother's face.

"Yes Will I saw that too." Erin added, smiling too especially because of the faces Jay was making. 

Will shook his head. "Yeah I guess…"

"You like her… What’s the matter?" Jay asked. 

"Yes and that is supposed to make things easy? You liked Erin for how long until you admitted to yourself that something could happen between you too?" Will blurted out without thinking that Erin was right there with them.

Jay gave Will an “I will kill you” look and looked back at Erin. She smiled back at him.

This is getting interesting. Erin thought to herself.

"Sorry man. I really don’t know what to do, she’s a widow, she has a small kid from a man who died in war and her mother in law seems like a guard dog around her and I don’t even know how she feels about me…

"And you, Will? What do you feel about her?" Erin asked in a kind voice. 

Jay looked at her and his heart melted, when she was like this he couldn't resist her. She is incredibly kind with an enormous heart. His brother had come to his house, interrupted the small quality time that they have together but here she is trying to make him feel better.

Will look at her. "I think I’m in love with her, is that wrong?"

"No it isn’t man and it’s not like you have a Voight telling you not to date a co-worker." Jay answered smiling. 

Erin looked at him in disapproval. "Am I lying?" Jay asked looking serious at Erin. "Not anymore Jay, don’t be like that. Look Will, give her time ok? I don’t know her very well but I noticed that she is not indifferent to you either so… give her time. You two didn’t talk about the kiss?"

"I kissed her and I left, we were having kind of an argument…" Will said sadly.

"Yes man you are brave." Jay joked.

"Yes, yes I know that you are a really Don Juan in this kind of business." Will mocked. Jay suddenly had a shy look and smiled at Erin.

"Look you guys, I’m really sorry for the interruption but I really needed to get this off my chest and didn't know anywhere else to go. But I’m better now, Erin is right, Natalie needs time and I will give her that and I should go home now." Will ad getting up.

"You can stay on the couch if you want." Jay said regretting it a second later.

"Thank you, but I need to go home and get a good couple of hours of sleep. I have a double shift tomorrow. Sorry for all this mess and thank you Erin, you’re … well thank you and Jay you are a lucky guy don’t doubt that." Will said smiling at Erin.

He closed the door behind him and they sat on the couch laughing.

"My brother… any way…"

"So... how long did you need to realize that we could be a thing?" Erin asked teasing him.

"And he is a story teller too." He tried to not look in her eyes.

"You can tell me, don’t be shy!" She kept teasing.

"Can we get back to what we were doing when he got here?" Jay smiled trying to change the subject.

"It’s ok Jay, I hid my felling from myself for a while too…" Erin says in a low tone. 

They stayed in silence for a minute or so and then she put on brave face. "About that drawer that you ask the other day…" He stared at her eyes and picked up her hand kissing the back.

"You should have a drawer in my house and I probably should have one here too. And there, I said it!" Erin released her breath without even knowing that she was holding it. 

Jay thought about the bigger apartment thing and for a flash of a moment he almost proposed that arrangement to her but he got cold feet and just smiled at her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Yeah you should and I will pack some of my stuff to leave in your place. This is good."

They hugged for a bit, she raised her head, looking at him. "I’m sorry but I really need to sleep now, it’s pretty late and prepare your self, because tomorrow, I will be grumpy because I did not get enough sleep." She said with an apologizing smile. "As long as you stay with me tonight and sleep really close to me I can take your grumpy mood." Jay moaned.

Five minutes later and they were asleep, him with his arms around her in a strange spoon shape position.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He got up early like always, she rolled on the bed and covered her eyes with her hand and kept sleeping for a while. Jay prepared her breakfast and went to wake her up after his shower. "Hey sleepy head is time to wake up!" He says planting a sweet kiss on her head.

Her hair was messy and she was all wrapped in the sheets but she looked amazing anyway Jay acknowledge staying there admiring her and rubbing her back until she mumbles. "It’s to early, go away."

"No is not, you have twenty five minutes to get ready and you still have to pass by your house to change." Jay informs looking at his clock.

"You annoy me…" Erin grumbled.

"Get up sluggish!" Jay gushed.

"No" She covered her head with the pillow, turning her back to him.

"Ok so I’m eating the breakfast all by myself and I have bagels, just so you know!" and with that he left the room.

He heard her grumbling and then he heard the bathroom door and waited for her in the kitchen. She finally appeared. 

"Well that’s one of the reasons that I enjoy crashing at your house. Your breakfasts are always better than mine." Erin informs smiling.

He grinned. "Let’s eat ok, you are late and we are going to be late and…"

She cut him off. "Less please… let me eat in peace."

He looked at her and smiled. She got up from across the little table and gave him a short sweet kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is the one shot from 3x15. Hope you guys like it and fell free to comment!


	13. Overseas - CPD One Shot 3x16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mouse give Erin some clues about what he and Jay been trough overseas.

Erin looks at Mouse and notices concern on his face. Its unusual for him to show emotion when they are dealing with a case. He is good at hiding his feelings, like Jay, who's face is devoid of emotion right now. But Erin knows Jay too well so she knows he's affected by all this.

A six years old kid shot in the head, execution style, is too much for everyone. She is struggling to keep cool herself but she can’t wait to close the case. Just get those responsible and go home and cuddle in Jay’s lap and fall asleep close to him. She, as always, doesn't need to talk about her crappy day. She just needs his embrace, that will heal her pain, the pain of seeing this small kid in that ally and the despair of that mother. Yes all she needs is to close this quickly and go home with him.

Erin gets back to work. Atwater found a lead they could work on. She looks again at Mouse and has a feeling that he maybe is more disturb with all this than she first thought. He was in the military but now he is a civilian without police training, probably all this is harder for him than for all of them; he is not just a tech guy.

She gets up from her desk and reaches for him. “Hey Mouse… is everything ok?"

“What?” Mouse says still staring at the monitor.

“Is everything ok? With you, I mean, you seem more concerned than usually.”

“Oh yes, I’m ok… all this with a kid so small you know… it’s hard and I assume all this is getting to me, but don’t worry… I’m ok I guess…” Mouse feels someone staring at him and sees Jay looking at him with doubt on his face. Mouse knows what he is thinking. Jay is just afraid that Mouse might tell to Erin something about their earlier conversation. Jay doesn’t want to talk about that day. The day they decide to trust the wrong man.

“Hey Mouse are you listen to me?” Erin says, snapping her fingers in front of him. She looks in the direction he was staring. She sees Jay looking at them, he seems upset too, this situation is getting to all of them.

“Yes… sorry… really don’t worry with me… I will be ok… let’s just solve this case…”

“Look Mouse if you need to talk I’m here and I’m sure Jay is here for you too.”

“Yes I know, thank you Erin… I… I will if I need to... and about Jay… he… he is like me, just needs to close this case and go home.”

Erin nods and leaves Mouse's desk with a strange felling, like he is trying to say something to her, but without saying it. If she finds time she will reach out to him again.

“Hey is everything ok?” Jay asks catching her on her way to her desk.

“Yes… Why?” Erin answered.

“You have a concerned look on your face. Was it something Mouse said?”

“You have that look too you know? I guess this case is affecting all of us more than we want to show… don’t you think?” Erin said waiting for a reaction from Jay… but she gets nothing, he just nods and goes to the break room, grabs a cup of cold coffee and comes back to his desk, when he takes a sip he gets a look of horror on his face, gets up again and throw out the coffee a way.

She is staring at him again. He is beat, she notices, but there is something more and Mouse know what it is. The two of them keep exchanging looks.

Atwater says something about another CI who has information to share and leaves with Al and Ruzek. Jay is talking to Antonio. Voight sends Mouse to the tech room to try to find some footage from the street were the kid was shot. Erin sees an opportunity to leave and go keep Mouse company.

She enters the room and Mouse jumps, he wasn’t expecting visitors. "Hi… can we talk?” Erin asks pulling up a chair.

“Hum… yes I guess… about what?” Mouse answers but keeps looking at the monitors.

“Tell me what is bothering you. I know there is something about this case and Jay knows about it… but you two seem to be having some conversation difficulties.” Mouse doesn't answer, he just keeps looking at the monitors. He uses that as a refuge. "Mouse I know that something is up… come on… You look haunted or something”

“It’s just… I don’t know… all this with such a small kid… it make me travel back in time you know?” Mouse says, with that haunted look on his face that Erin had noticed since they started working on this case.

“I notice this is affecting you like any other case hasn't in a long time. Where do you travel back to?” Erin asks.

“To Kandahar, second tour, me and Jay… we trusted the wrong guy and…”

“Hi! Mouse, Voight wants to talk to you” Antonio says, entering the room catching the two of them by surprise. “Did I interrupt something?"

“No, no, I will be right there” Mouse says and leaves the room with Antonio leaving Erin behind and alone in there.

What a hell happened with those two, Erin thinks to herself. She is certain that it was something really bad. Jay never wants to talk about that period of his life. Every time she mentions it he closes himself in a shell and she can feel his pain… and that makes her feel worthless.  
She really would like to help him get through all that trauma, like he helped her by not giving up on her. It was the most beautiful thing anyone has done for her. When she quit he didn't give up on her, she was a bitch to him and he kept trying to get through to her and it was huge in helping her get out of the rabbit hole where she was hiding.

Jay always seems confident and brave and made of steel or something. For her he’s invincible and unbreakable. But every time they have cases with kids he gets unstable and fragile. She understands, kids make her heart melt too and she suffers deeply when a kid is involved. Life isn’t fair, she knows, but kids don’t deserve to die like this or be hurt. Jay today, like Mouse, looks haunted.

Finally they solve the case. The entire unit is filling out paperwork and closing the case. They decide to all go to the memorial that night.

“I’m going home to take a shower and then go to the memorial.” Jay says, approaching Erin’s desk. “Are you in?”

Erin nods, "I will meet you there, got something to finish here first.”

“Ok” Jay agrees. He grabs his jacket and leaves.

Ten minutes later, Erin looks up from her pile of paper and notices everyone else has left. She decides it's time for her to go too. She goes to the locker room to grab her stuff and bumps into Mouse on the way.

“Hey… sorry” Mouse says, looking up from his phone. It’s incredible how this guy always hides himself behind monitors, Erin thinks.

“Hey mouse… so the case is all closed. You can go home now and rest, you look like you need it." Erin says, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yes finally… I'll probably pass by the memorial later."

“Ok I will see you there then” Erin says entering the locker room.

“Yeah” Mouse says, leaving but then stops and turns back. He enters the locker room and sits on one of the benches. “What we were talking about early… I… I really could use someone to talk to. I just feel like I’m betraying Jay though. He doesn't want to talk about that day but all this is making me sink to that place that I was before Jay brought me to the unit. I feel like I can go down again really quickly and I’m afraid of what that could do to me.”

“Mouse I’m here," Erin says, sitting next to him. “I’m really here, just talk to me… I will not tell Jay that you told me, it’s between me and you ok?”

Mouse nods and is quiet for a while, facing the floor and rubbing his hands. After a bit he raises his head and starts talking. “It was awful… the kid lying on the ground, that man saying that we did this to him… it was awful, dreadful… I felt like the world was falling apart and I was the one causing it… and Jay… he just stayed over the boy doing CPR, trying to bring him back… but the boy was dead and we had kill him.”

“What? What boy and what man?” Erin asks, with a sad look on her face. She can see that Mouse is devastated, tears are falling down his face. She makes a great effort to not starting crying too. Instead she hugs him. Its strange that hug, they are not close but it feels like the right thing to do.

“We trusted a local man that told us that he knew about some massive arms stash in the village… we decide to try to find it because that day we had suffered two ambushes already. So me and Jay follow the man to the village, but …. Long story short it was another ambush and we find ourselves trapped in a house full of locals with guns pointed on us… we manage to get rid of them and we escape to another house, but when we were securing the room we saw a shadow of someone with a gun pointing on us. We kick the door open and some dust starts floating in the air and we see the gun again and we just shoot… the two of us just fire our guns and wait… when the dust calmed down, we see the boy lying on the ground… It was just a boy Erin and we shot him…” Mouse's face is now covered in tears and Erin just hugs him again.

"Mouse, the boy was probably going to shoot you…” Erin tries to reassure him, to ease some of his guilt.

“It doesn’t matter Erin. It was a boy, an innocent… And we killed him… I need to go home” Mouse said, abruptly getting up and cleaning his face. “I just need to… well I need to pull my shit together… I'll meet you all at the memorial."

“Are you gonna be ok Mouse? Is there more?”

"There's always more but never mind and yes, I’m going to be fine… don’t worry Erin… I just needed to get this off my chest and you helped a lot… just don’t tell Jay that I told… but now you know why he is so affected by this."

Erin nods, with a said smile. “Don’t worry… this conversation never happen.”

Mouse leaves the locker room and Erin stays there just processing everything Mouse told her.

When she gets to the memorial she just needs to find Jay. When she sees him a pain starts growing in her chest. She pushes past all the people to get to him. Not carrying about who is looking, she hugs him tight and then looks in his eyes grabbing his hands and says, "I’m here Jay… it’s ok”

Jay stares at her for a bit and nods. “I know… and thank you.”

For a minute they stay there holding hands, just feeling each other. He knows she knows and it is ok. One day he will have the courage to talk with her about all that happened in that evil land.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me what you think ;)


	14. Broken - CPD One Shot 3x17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay deal with the death of his friend and Erin gets worried sick about him.

The phone rings and Jay jumps in surprise. He feels the cold of the concrete floor. He looks around and realizes that he's still in the locker room. The phone keeps ringing and then shut off. He doesn't look at the missed calls because he already know who it is, Erin. He knows she's probably worried about him, but he needs to be alone today, all of this is to much.

“Where are you Jay?” Erin asks herself. She has to admit it is normal for Jay to keep his feelings hidden, especially when he's hurting, just like she does. Having been in his shoes she knows how he must feel. She feels a desperate need to hug him and say it wasn't his fault like he wanted to do with her when Nadia… well when all of that madness happen and she didn't let him. Now she knows how he must feel about her closing in her shell and it doesn’t feel good. She will wait ten minutes and call him again.

The last cases they've handled have been very hard on him. All this stuff taking him back to the past and this wasn’t getting any better.

The funeral today was devastating. Putting on his dress uniform again and going trough all of the loss again is too hard on him. All the funerals that he has been to. All of the wives or husbands that he has said 'I’m sorry' to because he didn’t know what else to say. All the kids that he knows are growing up without a father or a mother. It all weighs down on him. Today he just needs to be alone and find a way not to think about it. He stays there on the cold floor of the locker room, alone, head down, eyes shut, barely breathing.

The phone rings again. Jay looks at the screen and sees Erin smiling face. He wavers between answering or not but he decides to answer. "Hi."

“Hey Jay, I got worried… Mouse said you left Molly's and… well I just want to know if you are ok.” Erin says with her raspy voice.

"God it was good to hear her voice", Jay thinks to himself and says, “Yes I’m ok I guess… I came back to the district, Voight called me and wanted to talk to me."

“And?” Erin asks, “What does he wants? Don't tell me that he wanted to give you a lecture on how handle things?”

“No… not at all. He just wants to give me one week of medical leave."

“Oh and what did you say?"

“I said no… but he said it was mandatory so I got to take it."

“Ok”

“And he told me that he was lucky to have me."Jay says, with a said smile on his face.

“Oh it got romantic between you two… nice." Erin says, giggling.

“Your funny.” And actually Jay smiles a little.

“It made you smile didn’t it?”

“Yes it did."

“That was my intention… So… That Brianna girl wants to screw you huh?" Erin asks, waiting silently for an answer. She shouldn’t be doing this over the phone because she can’t read his face but she knows that she has nothing to worry about. She's just teasing him, trying to cheer him up.  
"Stop trying to fool yourself girl, you're jealous of this woman… a lot of jealous and you can’t wait to hear his reaction to your provocation", she tells herself. She didn’t like Brianna obviously, she was stunning and Erin was not made of steel, seeing her holding his hands kind of got to her.

“Yeah I’m that good you know," Jay answers.  
She notices by his voice that he was smiling, not laughing just smiling.

"Oh yeah you're getting cocky now… so what you think about it?”

“Come on Erin you know me... and you know us so… what are you afraid off?” Jay sounds tired.

“I’m not afraid... just don’t like to see that women drooling over you like a horny teenager." Erin answers.

He notices some irritation in her voice. “Hey it’s not my fault that I’m so good-looking," Jay laughs. “It’s a pain that I’m not so good in protecting people,” his voice seems sad again.

“Jay” Her voice goes lower and soft. “I know this past week has been hard on you. First that kid and now your friend. I know that it’s a lot but this was not your fault and you know that…” A painful silence settled between them. “Jay I’m here for you” Erin says finally.

Jay is bone cold from sitting on the concrete floor for who knows how long. He knows he needs to get out of there. He stands up, looks in the mirror, cleans his face from the tears that start to fall again and says, "Can I go come to your place?”

“Yes Jay, come home. Please."

After all… he needs her…

He gets in the car and just drives. When he gets to her building he parks and sits there in the dark silence. He doesn't want to talk about the past. He doesn't want to go to that place again… he just needs peace.  
"She is not going to interrogate you, moron. She's your girlfriend. She knows you like no one else. She's the only one that can make you settle and you know it. Move it." Jay pep talks himself.

He takes the stairs and stops in front of her door. The door opens even before he knocks. She steps aside, giving him space to enter the room. She closes the door and turns to him reaching for his hand. He begins to cry again. Her heart hurts seeing him like this. She really doesn't know what to do, so she just hugs him tight.

“I don’t want to talk about it” He says, “Just…”

“Shh Shh Shh… It’s ok Jay… I’m here… we don’t need to talk.” Erin says, almost in a whisper.

He stays in her embrace for a long time, letting it heal him. He feels safe and at home here with her. Her hug reminds him how much he loves her and how much she loves him. He could stay like this forever. Here with her, her presence, her heat, her healing, her love. “Thank you” He mumbled.

Erin just nods.


	15. Maybe One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this one shot came from an anon prompt and it's an AU version of the ending of 1x06.  
> Don't get me wrong I love Justin, but when I rewatch the episode and saw Justin I thought is a good way to go. Please don't hate me for this.

"Maybe one day!" Erin said, smiling.

"Oh definitely," Jay returned with a grin and put his arm around her shoulders gently as they walked to the exit.

When they got outside it was raining and they ran to the car avoiding more physical contact. Their proximity at the bar made her uncomfortable, but they had a moment there for sure, an amazing moment!

"At least outside of working hours you could let me drive, no?" He asked, pretending being to be upset. 

"No way mister. I'm the one who's driving, you already know that." She informed him with a grin. 

They kept smiling in silence until they got to her place. Even with her response in the bar about what wasn't happen between them, his hand was still on her leg during the most of the trip. 

They were in the 300 because they had come straight from the district. Jay had sneaked around to not face Adam or Kevin in a suit. He really didn't wanted to hear the endless jokes that they would make.

"So do I take the car home?" Jay asked when she parked outside of her apartment. "Or are you inviting me upstairs?" 

"You are a teaser after all Halstead and pretty full of yourself tonight! I already told you, we can't!" She informed him but the unsaid 'I want you to' hung in the air with her smile and the squeeze she gave his hand. 

"Good night Erin!" Jay said getting out of the car. She did the same and when they passed by each other she give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Good night Halstead."

"And I'm the teaser?" Jay said, laughing. 

As soon as she got home she took her shoes off and fell on the couch. If Voight knew how they had spend the night he probably would give her a lecture on how this was his house and his rules if she wanted to stay in the unit. Sometimes she felt like she was still living with him under the same roof. 

The truth was she could not get Jay's smile out of her head when he answered her with the "Oh definitely". In that moment she felt butterflies in her stomach. Was she falling for this guy?

You can't go down that road girl, there are plenty fish in the sea, she thought to herself. 

About the time she was deciding to get ready for bed a loud knock came at the door. First she was surprised but then a big smile spread across her face, making her almost jump from the couch to the door. He really was full of himself tonight. She thought as she opened the door. 

"Hi!" 

"Justin? What are you doing here?" Erin asked in surprise. 

"Erin I need you!" He says in drawled voice. 

"Justin are you drunk?" Erin asked, still not letting him in. 

"No I'm not! I just need you!" He said again, in his drawled voice. 

She could sense his breath through the little opening that she left on the entrance and she could feel that he was forcing the door. 

"Justin why are you drunk?" Erin asked, opening the door a little more. 

"Just let me in ok? I can't go home like this! You know my father!" He said, trying to force his way in. 

She ended up letting him in. "You can sleep on the couch and tomorrow we will talk about this. I'll cover for you but you have to get it together man." 

In the kitchen she took a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water to give it to him. She left the glass on the coffee table. 

"I'm going to bed now, please behave." She informed him. 

He was laying on the couch and looked at her in a strange way, at least she thought so. When he spoke his voice scared her a little, but she would not be afraid of being alone with her stepbrother. "Erin come here!" 

"Justin don't be a jerk. Go to sleep. I'm going to bed!" 

He got up pretty fast for a drunk and grabbed her arm near the window. 

"Let me go Justin!" 

"Come here Erin! I want you! I want you so bad!" 

She tried to get rid of him but he pushed her into the window, pressing his numb body into her. 

"Justin you are hurting me!" She yelled desperately. 

He kept pushing her into the window making the curtain fall down. She screamed, so he covered her mouth with his free hand. 

Meanwhile Jay had stayed in the car outside Erin's apartment, he really didn't know why but he could not move. He wasn't sure if he just saw that Justin guy enter the building or not. He was also thinking about what Erin had shared in the bar. He was really happy that she finally gave him a peak into her life. She seemed so damaged sometimes that he always had an urge to protect her, however today, for the first time Jay felt like she had let him in a bit and all the sexual tension that usually travelled between them, today turned into something more sweet , something more real. 

But he knew Voight's rules and he would respect Erin wishes on this. He would behave, but tonight had been really amazing. 

He looked up to her window and realized that there was no curtain anymore and he wasn't sure but it really seemed like she was laying against the window and that someone was forcing her. His instincts kicked in and in a split second he was up the stairs and at her front door. He knocked forcefully. 

"Erin open up!" He shouted

"Jay!" She shouted from inside. 

"Erin are you ok?" Jay asked, still knocking at the door. 

Jay's knocking and shouting distracted Justin. Erin shoved him and he fell. She ran to the door and opened it but Justin came after her trying to grab her again. He didn't realize that Jay was already grabbing him until Jay punched him in the face and turned him against the wall. 

"Are you Ok?" Jay asked, turning his attention to Erin. 

She nodded, "Yes it's ok Jay you can let him go!" 

"And do what? I will not let him go!" 

"Let go of me you asshole!" Justin barked. 

Jay pushed him harder against the wall making Justin scream. "Behave!" Jay warned. 

"Jay let him go, it's ok! He's just drunk!" Erin said putting her hand on Jay shoulder. But he was not really convinced. She squeeze his shoulder. "Jay let go now!" She said angrily. 

Jay finally released Justin but stayed between Erin and Justin so Justin couldn't get to her. 

"We need to take him home." Erin said walking around Jay and taking Justin to the couch as he sent killer looks to Jay. 

"You want me to take him? To Voight's house?" Jay asked, surprised. 

"Not you! We!" She informed him. Jay's face fell at her words. He really couldn't understand how she could be defending him after what he try to do to her. 

She looked at him with a smile. "Don´t be like that Jay! He is my stepbrother after all." 

"Like what?" He asked, still grumpy. 

" Hey! I can go home by myself!" Justin informed them, getting up and trying to stand still which proved to be a hard assignment in his condition. 

"No you can't! And I'm not leaving you alone with Erin so I will take you home." Jay said, walking to the door. 

He looked back at Erin, his expression telling her there was no room for discussion on this subject. She silently agreed with him and when Justin saw the marks that he had left on her wrists he agreed too. 

"I'm sorry Erin I didn't mean to hurt you! I'm so sorry!" 

"Go home Justin!" Was all that she said. 

When Jay was in the hallway outside, she came to him and gave him the apartment keys. "Come back ok? I'm not in the mood to sleep alone tonight!" 

"Sure!" Jay said, low and walked to the elevator. 

Erin went back inside, almost falling on the couch. She was exhausted. Her heart was still a bit jumpy and her wrists were sore. What the hell was this guy thinking, she thought to herself. 

No more then ten minutes later Jay was back. She heard the door and turned her head to see him enter. This was good, having him here. And tonight she really didn't care about Voight and his rules. 

Jay smiled at her, and sat next to her on the couch. 

"He used his key and crashed on the couch. I think Voight didn't notice us and I'm sure Justin will keep his mouth shut about what happened tonight." 

"Thank you Jay... for taking him home." Erin said, facing him. 

"Are you really ok?" He asked, concerned. 

"Yes! Don't worry... he was just drunk and got a bit out of control." Erin said sadly. "I really don't know how Voight will handle this kind of behaviour. I hope Justin gets on tracks really fast..." 

He nodded and caressed her hair, even now she still looked amazing. She grabbed his hand. "Jay we shouldn't!" 

"Ok! I will sleep on the couch than and don't worry I will not talk about this with anyone." 

She gazed at him in silence. She really didn't know what to do so she got up giving him space to lay down. 

As she walked to the bedroom she turned back, "Good night!" She called. 

He nodded and mumbled, "You too." 

She disappeared around the corner and Jay tried to find a good position to sleep, taking off his shoes and shirt. 

Minutes and two or three attempts to find a better position later, he realized he was thirsty so he went to the kitchen to get some water. Jay searched the cabinets in the dark for where Erin kept her glasses. 

"First one on the left," her soft voice made him jump in surprise. 

He smiled and took a glass, filling it with some fresh water. "Can't sleep?" 

"I was thirsty too!" She said. 

He really couldn't see her expression in the dark but he felt her close to him as he placed the glass on the counter so he turned towards her. When he realized she was right in front of him, with just a man's shirt on and almost touching his body, he grabbed her face gently and kissed her softly waiting for her to tell him if he should deepen it or not. He got his answer when she sunk her hands into his hair. He picked her up and sat her on the counter, placing himself between her legs, automatically she wrap her legs around his hips. 

When they finally broke the kiss he asked her, "Are you sure?" 

She didn't answer, she just pulled him closer to her, kissing him again and unbuttoning his pants. Her kisses traveled from his mouth to his neck and then to his earlobe, making him moan. She managed to release him from his pants with his help. 

He broke the kiss and looked at her for a moment. Erin could hear the rush of her heart in her head. This was really happening. 

She ran her hands to his abs and gently caressed his boxers making him shiver and retract a little in surprise. She raised an eyebrow, "No?" She asked in a husky voice. 

He smiled and kissed her deeply, squeezing her butt cheeks. When he spoke she could hear the lust in his hoarse voice, "Yes!Yes!I want you so bad!" 

She laughed a little. "Good!" She mumbled in his ear as she dipped her hands into his boxers and caressed gently his hard length. 

Her words and actions turned him on like a trigger as he released a deep moan. She could feel his erection pressing against her and when she broke their kiss she looked him in the eyes and could read desire in them and something more that she couldn't read, but it was something sweet. She felt a heat wave spread through her body. 

Both his hands grabbed her face. He kissed her deeply making her feel goosebumps. He pulled her shirt off, making her shiver from his touch and fought with her bra for a moment making her laugh lightly. He managed to unclasp it and dove directly to her breasts, kissing and licking, making her release a gasp of air that she didn't know she was holding. Her whole body shivered in pleasure. 

"You are so damn beautiful!" He murmured. 

She hugged him, pressing her whole body against him. When he felt her naked breasts pressed into his chest, skin to skin he could not resist anymore and took her just right there on the kitchen counter with no restrictions, no rules, just lots of desire and probably love for this amazing woman. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning when she woke up she felt a heavy arm around her. She looked back and saw his sleepy face. She smiled to herself and cuddled a little more. They had time and she, for the first time in a while, was enjoying this intimacy. This was good! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy!  
> Comment if you like and if you don't like too ;)


	16. Their Demons - CPD One Shot 3x18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one shot takes place after 3x18, the girls shelter one! The one where Erin admites to be on a similar place in the past.

After the drink she kept staring at the glass. Jay almost could read the memories passing through her head, she was miles away now. For Jay, Erin’s past was a big interrogation point. He knew she had a lot of baggage and so did he, but sometimes he felt like she thought he would never get it, what she's been through and that’s the reason that she doesn't talk to him about it.

He reached for her hand and gave her a gentle squeeze, she raised her head and looked at him. Her eyes were filled with tears, he took his thumb to her face to catch a tear that was falling.

"We don’t have to talk about this, and sorry for making you relive this hard memory." He said in a low and soft tone. She could hear regret in his voice. Nodding in agreement she keep quiet for a little longer, when she finally spoke her voice sounded sore. "It’s OK I want to be able to talk to you about my shifty past, but sometimes it’s to damn hard and… I really never had anyone in my life that…". She became mute and started to role the glass around.

Jay gave her time, he knew how it was. He knew that he too owes her some stories about his past and he knew how hard it was to talk about them with anyone. The past cases unfortunately make him travel back to the army days, even Mouse wanted to talk to him about it. Mouse knew him too well and knew that some situations could wake his buried fears but these days he was feeling so good with Erin that he didn't want to go back to that place, those memories, those fears. He looked at her and could see that she was trying to get it out, he just squeezed her hand again, grabbed her chin with the other hand and make her look him in his eyes."It’s ok, we don’t..." 

But she cut him off. "No, I can tell you.  I was telling you that I never had someone in my life that I could trust enough to show how I really was in the past, other than Voight of course. The guys that I had been with are like… If I tell something like that I’m sure that they run away the next minute. What I mean is…"

"Hey you guys!" Will said, putting his arms around the shoulders of the two off them.

Jay just looked at his brother with a killer look that made Will back off a little. Erin smiled at Jay trying to calm him down. "Perfect timing. So what’s up with you?" Erin asked gently, disguising her discomfort. 

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" Will asked.

"It’s ok we can finish latter, can't we Jay?" Erin said, putting her hand on Jay’s leg.  Jay looked at her, all smiles and he suddenly felt better, she seems happy so... They could have this conversation any time now. He gave a handshake to Will.  "Aren’t you supposed to be working?"

"No I caught a double shift because Nat was feeling to tired so I covered for her. I’m off finally."

"Hum you covered for her?" Jay teased him. "You mean you two spent the night together, wore her out and than you had to go to work for her…"

Will just looked at Erin and smiled shyly. "That would be a wonderful thought, too explicit for me because Erin is here and I don’t kiss and tell because I’m a gentleman and not a dog like you." Jay opened his mouth to protest but Will cut him off. "But we don’t have anything going on really, just friends."

Erin just sat there listen the two brothers teasing each other, with a smile on her face, those two managed to get her from that strange dream of the past that she was on.

Jay laid his head to the side and said. "And what about the kiss?  You said you would talk to her, didn’t you?"

"Yes I did and she said that she needed me but that she wasn’t in that place yet so I’m here for her… waiting." Will said.

"Man she got you, you are hooked, really bad." Jay said with a smirk. He offered Will a beer and toasted with him.

"It’s ok, you got hooked too and that seems to be making you really happy, so." Will said and looked at Erin winking the eye at her.

"Thank you Will!" Jay just said and looked at his bottle. What was he afraid of? Erin knew how he felt about her, he shouldn't hide.

"You know what? Yes I’m hooked and I'm in love so what? I’m happy, she seems happy too." Jay added looking at Erin. She got a little flushed and looked at her glass again. "I’m no dog as you said so nothing to hide here. Hope you and Nat get on the same page soon, you two seem good for each other. There. I said it." And he grabbed Erin’s hand and kissed the back of it. 

A big smile spread across Will's face and he toasted with Jay again. "Well my brother, you really look happy I can’t deny that. And you know that I’m happy for you too. But when I get here it seems that I interrupted something so I let you two alone." Will said trying to leave them alone.

"Hey don’t leave because of us." Erin said smiling still holding Jay’s hand without noticing that.

"No it’s ok, I should head home anyway. I’m beat and should get some sleep, but after a double shift I always feel too awake to sleep, that’s why I came by, just to grab a beer and chill until the weariness take over me." He said goodbye to Erin and gave Jay a hug and went to say hi to some friends on the other side of Molly's.

Erin looked at Jay still holding his hand and said. "Maybe we should go home too. What you think?"

"Yeah you seem tired and it was a hard day for you, we should go. But we got two cars again." Jay said with a grin.

"No we don’t…"She said grinning back to him.

"No? How did you come here then?" Jay asked, curious. 

"If you weren't in such a big hurry I would have come with you. But you left the district almost running from me." She said in a questioning tone.

"I… I left to prepare you dinner, like a surprise but then you text me to meet you here that you had something to do with Kim… so I ate some take out and came here instead."

"Oh so cute you were going to make a surprise…" Erin used the mocking tone in her voice but she was flattered by his intentions.  "Yeah I figure that you needed some cheering up because of today’s madness but then…"

"The intention was good and I came with Kim because she needed me to pass by her house, and then she left me here, so just your car. Can we go now?" Erin asked. 

Jay nodded and got up. "How much do I own you Herman?"

"No sweat it is on Dr. Rhodes' tap." Herman informed them. 

Jay smiled at Herman and said good night. He helped Erin with her jacket and they left the bar, heading to the car. He drove them home almost in silence, the conversation from earlier was weighing on them and he was sure that she was thinking about his love declaration too. But he would understand if she didn't want to talk more about the shelter and he would not pressure her about it. She would talk when she needed it.

Like always they crashed on the couch and she put her legs on his lap. "So about our talk…"

Jay looked at her, she really seems tired. "It’s ok Erin you don’t need to talk about that anymore if you don’t want."

"I just want to say that I heard what you said to your brother and I… I just want to be able to talk to you about all the stuff that hurt me in the past and that makes me close up in my shell sometimes and for the first time I feel safe about exposing me like that to someone. You make me fell safe and don’t judge me for my past and that is the best thing that you can do for me right now and…" She sat up on the couch, taking her legs off his lap and got close to him. 

He reached  for a strand of her hair and put it behind her ear. With his thumb he drew a path across her face from her eyebrow to the corner of her mouth but she grabbed his hand, "For a while I thought that we were never going to get back to the trust that we had in each other before I left but I think today we are better than we have ever been. You and me… We are good Jay. And you can talk to me about all that you had to do and see in the war when you need and when you want."

"Yes we are Erin, we are good together and we are good for each other and I have my demons too. You know that and when I’m ready I will share them with you."  He grabbed her face with both of his hands and kisses her deeply. She opened her mouth to allowed his tongue to get in and two minutes later they were in the bedroom, naked, their clothes on the ground marking they path to the bed.

* * *

 

"Can you please get me a bottle of water from the fridge?" She asked awhile later. 

He got up and go get the water, picking up their clothes from the ground on the way. He came back to the room in boxers and threw her the water. He started to fold the clothes and put them on the dresser.

"Give me that shirt." She demanded. 

"Yours?"

"No yours." She said with a smirk.

"Why do you want my shirt?" Jay asked, raising his eyebrow. 

"To sleep in."

"Why? This is a good shirt." He said in disagreement and kept folding the shirt. 

"Yes but it has your scent on it so… Give me, it’s comfy." She added shyly. 

"Erin I’m sleeping next to you, you don’t need more of my scent." Jay said a bit lost. 

"Yes I do and don't be mean." She said, grabbing the shirt form his hands and putting it on. He just shook his head and tried to find some sweat pants for sleeping in, from the dresser.  He lay in bed and hugged her from behind, she was already sleepy all wrapped up in a shell form like she usually slept.  He kissed the back off her head. "Good night babe."

She just mumbled something in her sleep and intertwined her fingers with his. He could feel her body relaxing from all the tension of the day and with that feeling of relief he fell asleep too.  

Erin woke up in the middle of the night, she was dreaming about the time that she was in the shelter. Siting up on the bed she ran her hands through her hair. She looked to her side and saw him lying on his back sleeping quietly. She drank some water and lay down again and putting her head on his chest, hugging his body and tangling her leg with his. She stayed like this for a minute or two just listening to his heart beat. That was what she needed. His strong heart beat always calmed her down. She could stay like this forever. 

She placed a kiss on his cheek and whispered, "And I’m in love with you too, you dummy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for reading and for keep up with me.  
> Feel free to comment and leave kudos.


	17. The Outfit - CPD One Shot 3x19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is based on Chicago PD 3x19. The one where Erin talks says to Jay that she have a new outfit still on the box at home!

They arrived at Molly's together for a change and Herman noticed that.  "I need to tell you some gossip," He heard Erin saying to Jay. 

"Hi guys! How is everything?" Herman asked putting two beers on the counter like usually. 

Jay smiled at him. "You know..."

Herman smiled back. "Yes I do!" and left to see other customers. 

"What was the gossip?" Jay wanted to know. 

"It's about Kim." She said grinning.

Herman smiled to himself, these two … 

"Oh yes you had breakfast with her. I can remember that you woke me up just to say that you were leaving.  Thank you for that by the way, because I could have slept for a half an hour more." Jay was trying to look mad at her, but everyone knew that normally he couldn't. 

Erin had a grin on her face. "I'm sorry OK! But you know that I don't like to leave without my morning kiss!" 

"Oh so sweet and cheesy too. You leave the bed all the time without even a goodbye you liar." He said poking her belly, making her laugh.

She punched him on the shoulder. "Hey don't be mean, I say goodbye sometimes." She said smiling. 

Jay raised his eyebrow. "Yeah yeah today you just wanted to wake me up because last night you got mad at me because I felt asleep on the couch." 

Erin looked at him with a grin again. "It was not about that, but just so you know, last night I had a surprise for you." She was looking straight in his eyes. He could see lust written all over her face and he regretted even more that he felt asleep early last night.

He was facing the door, so he saw the door open and Severide coming in. Erin didn't see him, she was with her back to the door, but notice that his face changed. "What? I just said it was a surprise nothing much, it’s OK Jay!" 

He just smiled, he knew that these two were over for a long time, but he couldn’t manage to not feel insecure when they were in the same room. 

Severide was always so touchy with her. Admit it man you're jealous, Jay thought to himself.  

Severide approached them and greeted Jay with a handshake then he turned to Erin “Hi! How are you?” he asked kissing her on the cheek. Jay rearranged his position on the bench and smiled at them in an effort to not show how uncomfortable he feel about this.

Erin and Kelly talked for a bit, but Jay didn’t listen to anything they were saying, he just drank his beer and tried to erase from his mind that once these two were a couple.

Come on man this was like two years ago, let this go, she is with you now. Jay thought trying to get over it.

When Kelly said goodbye Jay was still lost in his own thoughts and it was just when Kelly put his hand on Jay’s shoulder that he noticed he was talking to him.

"Yeah sorry, rough day man," Jay improvised. 

"I imagine… bye man."  Severide said.

"Bye Kelly nice to see you." Jay said nodding.

Kelly gently squeezes Erin's shoulder and smiled at her, she smiled back. "Be safe Kelly." 

"Yes you too. Good night guys have fun." Severide added, already leaving them.

Jay seemed a little upset when she spoke about the surprise so she decided to drop that. When they got home she would bring that up again.  

Jay looked at her drinking another sip of the beer. "What were we talking about?" 

"Burgess…" 

"Yes gossip, give it to me." Jay said grinning.

"Jay! You look like a girl right now." Erin laughed, surprised.

"What? Men like gossip too, what's the problem?" He asked unimpressed.

“I was not supposed to tell you this… she is my friend, it was a girl talk. But I like to talk with you about this stuff, so be a good boy and don’t share this with anyone.” She said.

"I'm like a vault, you know me." Jay said, smiling.

Erin told him about the new love triangle: Burgess, Roman and Ruzeck, they laughed about it and she told him that Burgess talked about dating a colleague. 

Then she told him about the new outfit. His face was priceless and she almost had to run to catch his pace to the car. 

They made small talk in the car, his hand on her leg all the way to her apartment. 

"Are you gonna tell me what’s the surprise is?"  

"You'll see when we get there." 

He shook his head and squeezed her leg smiling. 

But when they get to her apartment they were both so turned on that he basically carried her to the room.

That's one of the million things that made him so damn attractive to her, his strength and ability to just pick her up and carry her to anywhere. 

And because of all that rush, the box stayed unopened.

* * *

 

Later Jay got up to get something to drink and when he came back to the room she was in the bathroom, she heard him come back and asked through the door. “Are you done?”

“You're funny, it was you who disappeared from the bed." He answered her.

And then he saw the open black box on the floor with some silk paper falling from it.

A huge smile spread across his face. He laid on the bed with his arms behind his head, waiting for her. She appeared at the door shyly and smiled at him biting her lower lip. "So?" 

She looked stunning, wearing a navy blue baby doll with matching panties with a beautiful lace in the same tone. 

The bottom was see through and he could see the matching panties with the same beautiful lace work.

He was turned on just by looking at her. “That’s the surprise that you had for me last night?” he asked crawling in the bed until he reached her, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him, teasing the fabric under his hands. He kissed her belly through the baby doll and placed his hands on her butt cheeks and squeezed them with desire.

Her hands were sunk in his hair, he kissed her clavicle bone and got up to her neck, when he finally reached her mouth she was already sitting on his lap feeling the hard length underneath his boxers. She kissed 

his neck making him groan. “So did you like the surprise?”

"Hum hum" He just mumbled without stopping kissing her collar bone. 

“You didn’t even look at me!” She said in her rough voice getting up from his lap and turning over herself teasing him.

"Oh Erin I looked at you I can assure you of that." He informed her trying to get her back to him. Erin noticed that his eyes were darker, his pupils were bigger and the heat of his touch on her body showed her that he really liked the surprise. Laughing she sat on him, making him lay down, starting to kiss his chest making him groan again. When she picked up the lip of the baby doll to undress herself he stooped her. “No, don’t take it of just yet.”

Erin smiled biting her lower lip. "So you like it than..." 

"Hum hum" He just mumbled again. He was to occupied pulling her to him kissing her deeply. 

Their kiss got hotter and his arms were enlacing on her tiny body, her hands were deep in his hair, she scratched her fingernails on his neck making him stiffen and moan again. She could feel him under her, getting up again she slowly she took her panties off and let them fall on the ground. Jay tried to get to her but she pushed him back waving her head negatively. "Come on Erin you're killing me here."

She smiled teasing him and crawled over him. Putting her hands behind her back she unbuttons the baby doll and asked in a whisper on his hear. "Can I take it off now?"  

He kissed her with urge. "Let me do it." 

She smiled at him. 

The clothes fell on the ground.  

* * *

 

Jay was already asleep but Erin was wake thinking about them.

As much as they were full of desire and lust and eager to get in to each other, he was sweet, passionate and caring with her. Jay was always full of sweetness with her, even on those days that sex was just sex, because they worked together and sometimes after a rough and tiring day, sex is just that, sex... Even there he was always passionate, making her feel loved and that was one of the many things that made her fall for him. The way he looked at her and made love to her.

Looking at him she caressed his hair and lay on his torso. He reacted at her touch, even in his was sleep and cuddled with her, bringing her closer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment. Would love to hear your opinion!


	18. Girl Stuff - CPD One Shot 3x20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is about the baby in the duffel bag episode. Enjoy!

Erin got up from the couch when she heard the knock on the door. 

She opened the door already knowing that it was Jay. They have some kind of sign that they bought used to knock. They never talk about it or make an arrangement about it, they just happened to use the same knock and they both know when the other one is at the door. Erin smiled with the memory of his surprised expression when some weeks back she came to the living room before she yelled from her bathroom to the door "Jay I'm in the bathroom, please use your key". 

"How did you know it was me." he asked her at the time.  
"The same way that you know it's me when I knock on your door."  
"But you have a characteristic knock."  
"Yes very similar to your knock." 

It's was a little thing, she knew that, but the little things always made her feel good about them being together. 

She opened the door smiling, letting him in. "Why do you never use your key?"  
"Because… well it is your home… I just use it if I need which is probably the same reason that you don't use your key at my apartment."  
Erin shook her head in disagreement.  
"I brought dinner," Jay said entering the kitchen. She tried to peak in the bag. "What did you bring?" she asked eager to know.  
He pulled the bag away mocking her. "Don't be like that."  
"It's Thai food isn't it?" She said grinning, trying to take the "take away" bag.  
"Yes it is Thai. You are always craving Thai lately." He acknowledged.  
"Give it to me," She demanded.  
"You are addicted to food I swear," He laughed at her. 

They sat and started eating between small talk. 

She got up and took a beer from the fridge offering him one too and all of a sudden she said. "I think I can't be a mother Jay." 

Jay was shocked with her words. "What? Why? … Why are you thinking about this?… Erin, are you?!" Jay looked at his hands with discomfort . "Are you? … I mean …. You said that you were on the birth control thing." His face was blush. Jay was not used to this kind of stuff and was a little shy about discussing birth control, tampons and all that girl stuff. He grew up without sisters or girl cousins so that kind of stuff was a little bit a mystery for him. Yes he had girlfriends before, but never got much in to that girl stuff business. 

"Oh no! I'm not thinking about… I'm not even remotely… don’t worry I'm on birth control, as you said." Erin gave a small smile to him. He clearly was uncomfortable with this subject but it was kind of cute that he blushed.  
He grabbed her hand. "Sorry Erin, I'm not very comfortable with this subject. I mean … shit… " He was caught by surprise. "I don’t really know much about that girl stuff, birth control and all… don’t get me wrong. I want to have kids, really want but was not expecting this conversation… " He ran his thumb across his forehead right above his eyelash. He was really nervous, Erin could tell. "Sorry Erin I'm babbling." 

Erin gave a big laugh. "Jay I'm not thinking about kids right now. Actually I was trying to tell you that I don't know if I want to be a mother." Her tone changed, she sounded sad now.  
"Why? I mean you don’t want be a mother now? I understand…"  
"No I mean I think I don’t want to be a mother period." She affirmed. 

"Oh! Never? Why?" He picked her hand up again and ran his thumb across the top of her hand.  
Her eyes welled up with tears. "And I know you want this very much Jay… so I don’t know if we…"  
"Shh it's ok Erin, why all this now?"  
"Today that baby made me think about it and I don’t think I could be a good mother." Her voice was hoarse, clearly she was controlling herself from crying. "I mean, those parents, they were good and normal parents and look what happened to that poor baby... I'm... I think it's better that I don’t have kids at all. I don’t want to put my kids through what I lived with my mother…" She couldn´t handle it and tears started to fall on her face. 

"Erin come here," Jay asked sitting her on his lap. He placed a soft kiss on her lips and cleaned some of the tears gently with his hand. "You are wrong. You would be an excellent mother. You manage to get through to our victims, when they are kids, in a way that I never see anyone else do. And I know Bunny was not someone that you could rely on, and not a god example of motherhood, but from what you tell me you had an excellent role model in Camille… I believe that she showed you how things should be done in the matter of educating a child so I have no doubt about it, you would be an amazing mother." 

"I'm not so sure about that, but thank you." She murmured.

He kissed her forehead and she went back to her seat. His hand picked up her hand again. "I am sure about it, I see you around kids, you're good, trust me."  
She smiled and kept eating. He could see that she was not totally convinced but she was calmer and looked more relaxed. 

Finishing her beer she asked Jay. "You want more?"  
"No I'm ok!" 

"So about tampons." She said giggling. 

He looked shocked once more. "What?" 

She laughed and noticed that he was starting to blush again. "You really need to be more relax about the lady subjects Jay. I mean, we live together," He raise his eyebrow to her. "Ok almost live together and you will bump with my tampons and birth control pills in the bathroom eventually and probably sometimes you will have to buy them for me. I don´t get it, you had girlfriends before..." 

He cleared his throat before talking and smiled shyly. "Yes I had girlfriends before, but I don´t know, apparently that subject never really came up, and I usually use condoms until the girl tells me that’s ok not to use and really don´t investigate the details of it... Look I grew up surround by boys, not girls so... but yes I promise I'll try to be more relax about it" He smiled at her with a grin. She loved that grin. "Although knowing myself it will be pretty awkward for me to look for tampons in the supermarket but I will be ok, don´t worry." He added not facing her.

She gave a big laugh and started to clean the table. She noticed his reaction when she talked about they living together. Yes they practically lived together, they spend almost all nights together and wake up together, but truth be told she gave him a drawer, nothing more, just a drawer and he usually went home to change and he always had a changing bag in his car. 

Maybe they should think this living together situation…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You for reading! Fell free to comment.


	19. All Eyes on Us - CPD One Shot 3x21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the one shot for 3x21. Everyone is a beat paranoid after Burgess situation!

Al was locking his car when he saw them. Halstead stretched his arm out, waiting for Lindsay to grab his hand. They walked holding hands for a bit and when they got to the main street they separated and put their professional posture on. Al couldn't not smile at those two. Halstead stiffened his body, that guy still breathed military and always looked like he has his hand on the trigger and Lindsay, put her confident but cool posture that made everybody respect her but trust her too. She had become a great detective and Al, as her kind of borrowed uncle, felt really good about how things turned out for the druggie street girl that Hank decided to give shelter to. He didn't approve in the beginning but she stole his heart really quickly. And now here she was, one of the best detectives that he knew, working side by side with him. He left the parking lot and caught up with Halstead in the locker room.

"Hey, Halstead can I give you some advice?" Jay looked at Al, he had to admit this was his favorite teammate and he really valued his opinion. "Off course Al you know I like your advice," He answered smiling.

"I saw you two, minutes ago and I just want to tell you that I'm very happy for you. You know that Erin is like family to me and I feel very pleased by seeing her so happy." Jay smiled and looked to the floor. This conversation was turning out to be a little awkward. "But since Burgges' trial everybody seems to have eyes on us so I recommend that you two save the hand holding and all that couple stuff to when you can not risk being caught on camera." Al shrugged and added "I'm just saying."

"You're right and we will keep that in mind. Thank you, Al!" The older man just nodded and left the locker room leaving Jay alone with his thoughts.

* * *

 

 The bullpen was quiet with everyone buried in paperwork. There were no new cases and truth be told, everyone was still digesting Burgess trial.

Ruzek was late but Voight hadn't showed his face either so maybe he could escape from getting caught. All this with Burgess made him use drink as a shield and the result was a hungover Ruzek. The team didn’t really know how much Voight would tolerate from him.

Jay's head was far away from his work and his desk. He kept picturing that footage where Burgess and Roman looked pretty intimate, and Al's pep talk early. He couldn’t stop thinking about him and Erin, they really had to protect each other from something like that happening to them. They couldn't afford to lose a case or have the quality of their work be questioned by something like that. First of all, Voight would definitely kill him and Erin would get pretty lost if her job was put in question like that. He didn’t want to upset her about this but he knew that she was probably thinking the same when he looked at her from his desk. She smiled at him because she felt his movement and then she went back, diving in her papers quickly. He felt the distance last night. He knew her to damn well that’s why. They should talk about this but they needed to have time to do it. Sometimes he felt like they were so swamped that they almost didn’t feel each other.

Hank appeared in the bullpen almost without being noticed, approaching Erin desks making her jump in surprise and laughing at her. “What now you are scared of me?”

“Funny” She smiled at him ironically. “I was concentrated in my work ok? I didn’t hear you coming.”

“That’s good!” He said nodding. He turned to Jay’s desk. “Can you two check this address?” He said giving Jay a small paper. “A friend of mine says that the guy that lives there is big in the Chicago drugs business. Could you two spend the afternoon checking the surroundings?”

“Thank you, Hank. Always giving us nice jobs to do.” Erin said in her hoarse voice and with a provocative look. She got up and made a sign to Jay to get up. They left the bullpen and Erin still shouts. “Thanks, Hank really." He smiled to himself and went to his office. He couldn't resist and checking them out his window.

After three hours of nothing, they started to think about going back to the precinct. Finally, Jay put the subject on the table. “You know that we need to be smarter than Burgess and Roman don’t you?”

She looked at him with a surprised look and questioned him. “What do you mean by that?”

“There is something that is bothering me since the trial. We can’t afford to be caught in something like they were.” She looked at him, he can’t figure out if she’s mad or concerned.

“I don’t intent to Jay and as I remember, you are the one who is always complaining about me not being more relax about us. We can’t be relaxed on this job Jay!”

“I know but that footage got into me and we can’t afford to get caught in something like that. Imagine Voight?” She smiled widely at his words.

“Are you afraid of getting caught or are you afraid of Voight?” She asked, teasing him.

He raised his eyebrow and answered in a low tone. “Both actually."

She laughed hard.

God, he loved her laugh. “Happy to make you smile."

“Yeah yeah! Let’s go back, we got nothing here. And rest your case, because I will not get caught in some shady situation with you on the job.”

He mumbled ok and smiled to himself. "You know that Al saw us today in the morning holding hands!" Erin flipped her head quickly facing him and looked surprised and a little concerned but when she spoke she tried to look relaxed. "And? It's Al, he is like my uncle or something I don't know, he always protected me and he always keeps stuff that I did from Voight. What did he say about it?" Jay smirked remember their talk. "He just said that he was very happy because you look happy but warned us for the fact that it seems like everybody is watching us now, so we should be careful with stuff like holding hands and all."

She smiled at the thought of how awkward that conversation must have been to Jay. "Message received right?"

"Right!" Jay nod in agreement.

"Let's go back then." They went back to the precinct and told Voight that they didn’t see anything suspicious but if he wanted they could go back there that night. He thought about it for a minute and decided not too. “Let’s wait and see if we know something more about this guy. You two can go for today.”

They both nodded and turn their backs on him heading to the stairs. Voight went back inside of his office again to check them out through his window. He really wanted to see if they showed somehow that they were together. But once again he got nothing. They both went to their cars telling something to each other but clearly, anyone couldn't figure out that they were together and Hank knew that they were, for sure now. But he was very pleased about those two. They really knew how to do things and that was good. Suddenly he picked his keys and left after them, thinking to himself that he was crazy for doing this but all this trial thing made him worry about Erin. He assumed that they would probably go to her place. He knew Erin to well and knew that she liked to have her stuff around and knew how messy she could be and believed that Jay probably was all cleaning and organized by the looks of his desk. So he probably preferred for her make the mess in her one house. He smiles to himself thinking about how his one bathroom turned into a war zone when she went back to live with him. He caught them parking near her front door. She arrived first to her apartment building. Opened the door and let it close but aperantly unlocked, Halstead approach half a minute later and entered the building too. And just then when they were both already inside he could see that she reached out her arm waiting for him for grab her hand, smiling. When he intertwined his fingers on hers, she lays her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her waist kissing the top of her head. They disappeared from his sight in the building corridor.

For a second he felt bad for stalking them like that but he needed to know and he was just satisfied and relaxed about this. He could really trust these two. They definitely knew what they were doing. Hank smiled to himself and drove back to his home. His kidoo was a good girl, definitely had grown up from that punk teenager that he gave shelter to not so long ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment and thank you so much for reading ;)


	20. Small Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay try to understand why Erin doesn't aprove his house hunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you justkillingtimewhileiwait

She heard a knock so far away that she thought she was probably dreaming about it. The knock came again, making her open her eyes. Looking around, she realized she was in her living room. The bottle of juice was on the table, the TV was on and her shoes were dropped next to the couch.

The knock came again. “Use your damn key, I know its you, Jay!”

He opened the door smiling. “Oh you’re in a good mood!”

“Yeah,” she mumbled and lay back on the couch again, moving her attention to the TV.  
He picked her feet up and lay them in his lap, placing a sweet kiss on her lips as he rearranged a piece of her hair far from her eyes. 

“So why are you so grumpy?”

She turned her attention from the TV to his eyes and with a hoarse voice replied, “I’m not grumpy!”

“Oh no, not at all,” He said, chuckling.

She ignored him and kept watching TV. Half a minute of silence and he looked at her again, massaging her feet. She still focused her attention on the TV.

“Ok, I’m leaving then!”

It was like she finally woke up. “What? Why? Don’t leave!”

“Why not? You’re ignoring me. I know I did nothing wrong so I assume you’re just bored of me so I’m leaving. Ill let you be.”

She smiled at him, getting up until she was able to touch him and kissed him with no rush, her hands traveling through his hair. 

He went with it. In response he grabbed her hips and helped her to sit on his lap, the heat of his hands on her waist made her slide in his lap, making them so close that she could feel his heart beating against her chest, their tongues danced slowly and fondly. They both could feel the heat building between them so they pulled apart to take a breath and she smiled with her lips still touching his. 

“I’m sorry! I felt asleep on the couch and was woken by you knocking and I know you have a key and… anyway, I’m just grumpy, you’re right.”

“Well I liked your apology so you can be grumpy once in a while if then you apologize like that."

“Pervert."

“No I’m not, and if I am you are as much a pervert as I." 

“Yeah, yeah! That's all I am for you right? The girl you screw after work."

He looked shocked. “Erin don’t be like that."

“I’m messing with you.” She giggled and kisses him deeply.

He looked her in the eyes. “Erin you need to take care of yourself."

She looked away and sat on the couch again with her feet back on his lap facing him. “I’m ok Jay, just tired."

“Erin you need to take care of you, your body. To be a cop, I mean to do what we do we need to be alert, ready, we need to be sharp, accurate and strong minded, we can’t afford one misjudgment, a late arrival or a missed shot. For all of that our body and our mind need to be healthy. Unfortunately, our mind is not very healthy, mine isn’t, and yours isn’t too. So we have to rely on our instincts and they need our body healthy, rest and fed.”

She nodded in agreement. “I know Jay and I’m alright, don’t worry."

“I worry because I know these days were exhausting for you."

“A little yes, but that little girl…”

“We haven't been very lucky lately, we e had a lot of cases with kids and those cases get to me too, I can say that they brought me down. But we need to be able to control our attachment to these victims. You give your body and soul to that unit you give all you have to that little girl and God I love you for that but…”

And in that moment she stopped listening to him. She made a huge effort to not change her facial expression or her position but her heart was beating so fast that she could hear it in her head. He said he loved her. Yes, she loved him too and she suspected that he loved her. Off course he did, with all he put up from her he had to love her. But hearing it like that out loud. She wasn’t ready to tell him that she loved him out loud and apparently she wasn’t ready to hear it like that too.  
She felt the heat on her face, she was probably blushing.

“Ok, Erin?” He looked at her waiting for an answer. He probably didn’t even notice what he said. “Erin, did you hear me?”

She took one more moment to put herself together and smiled, grabbing his hand and kissing the back of it. “Yes Jay, you are right I need to be more careful with me. But this works both ways, you need to pay more attention to you too.”

“I know, we need to focus more on us, sometimes this job can consume us. But we have each other to keep each other on track right?”

“Right!” She smiled and realized to herself truth be told, he always was there for her. She didn't like to admit not even to herself but when Nadia died she broke into really tiny pieces and it was very, very hard to put those tiny pieces back together. She was lucky because she had people that helped her a lot, like Hank and Al and Kim, even Antonio tried to reach her and help her. But him, Jay, never gave up and although she never answered him, every time he called her she could feel some of those tiny pieces coming back to their places. Even far away from her the fact that he called her countless times made her feel worthy and the real deal was she was here healthy, happy and back in the unit because of him. And that was the best proof of love that they could give to each other. 

“One more thing,” He managed to take her back from her thoughts again. 

“What?”

“Why didn’t you like any of the options that I showed you from my house hunting?”

She was surprised by this question. He was right she didn’t like any of them and some of them were really good. But why was he looking for a new house, anyway? Why couldn’t they live together? Like he said at Molly’s that night, Why were they dancing around? Maybe she should tell him her true reasons. 

“Come on Jay all you showed me was small apartments with crazy options in construction. You should look for something good and comfy, not high level and with no bedroom.”

Or not.

“That’s the only reason?”

She smiled at him. He knew her so damn well.

“Yeah! What else could it be?”

He raised his eyebrow at her, he knew there was something more here but he rested his case for now. 

“Ok then. I will keep looking."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to know your thoughts ;)


End file.
